Sim City 4 on Windows 7 64bit
Follow these steps:

1) Install Sim City 4. When the game starts on completion, exit.

2) (Optional) Install Sim City 4 Rush Hour. When the game starts on completion, again exit.

3) Install the Sim City 4 Rush Hour Update from this URL: http://simcity.ea.com/update/index_update.php

4) You may use a custom resolution by adding this to the shortcut:
"CProgram Files (x86)MaxisSimCity 4AppsSimCity 4.exe" -CustomResolution:enabled -r1920x1080x32
Adjust as needed.

5) Right click the shortcut again, and go to compatibility Check Run As Administrator, Disable Visual Themes, Run in Compatibility Mode for XP Service Pack 2

6) CLOSE ALL OTHER PROGRAMS NOTHING ELSE CAN BE RUNNING ON THE TASK BAR

7) Run the program. It may drop you back to the desktop at this point, or if it is still going hit CTRL-ALT-DEL go to TASK MANAGER then Processes. Find the Sim City Process. Right Click the process and select "Set Affinity..." Uncheck all but one processor, so that one processor only can run the Sim City process.

8) Click back into the game on the taskbar. During the loading sequence ("EA, Challenge Everything") it may continue to drop you to the desktop... don't worry... once the game actually starts (Region View) you'll be able to play just fine!


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    http://xyyzq111.zqtzw5.com/bbs/post/20.html 2012 13赛季欧洲冠军联赛小组赛积分榜 皇家

  8. Favicon of http://www.ylg7788.com BlogIcon 篮球投注 2013.07.07 15:45

    上赛季欧罗巴联赛冠军似乎需要尽快敲定苏亚雷斯的转会,此前切尔西相继错过了法尔考和内马尔这两名顶级前锋, http://www.blgylc66.com 永利博备用网址。另一方面,“苏牙”若成行斯坦福桥,将会在薪酬上得到一定的提升。目前乌拉圭前锋从利物浦俱乐部能够得到480万英镑的年薪,若投奔穆里尼奥的麾下,他的周薪将高于10万英镑。

    或许穆里尼奥的目的并不单纯, http://www.blgylc99.com 缅甸小猛拉,单从苏亚雷斯的灵巧型风格上看,他并不是穆里尼奥最心仪的那类强力前锋,众所周知,皇马对红军前锋心仪已久,而利物浦俱乐部迟迟不能得到苏亚雷斯的最终答复,甚至约定了最后期限。魔力鸟在此时希望能够将诸事不顺的“苏牙”带离安菲尔德,也有可能是为了报复前东家。


    现年26岁的苏亚雷斯度过一个并不顺心的赛季,俱乐部战绩不佳,而英格兰媒体也落井下石地提升了他的“知名度”。由于上赛季臭名昭著的咬人事件,苏亚雷斯需要在赛季初的几场比赛中作壁上观。如果这位“麻烦先生”出现在下赛季穆里尼奥的阵容中,如何处理他与伊万之间的关系,恐怕也会成为切尔西俱乐部头疼的事情之一, http://www.512qn.com 皇冠网 ccrr11。

    目前,切尔西锋无力成为了球队急需解决的问题。登巴巴很有可能被俱乐部租借至西布朗,而球队另一名射手托雷斯通常也只能在板凳上等待机会,就这样的情况来看,苏亚雷斯很有可能在西伦敦球迷的嘘声中驾临斯坦福桥。

    这名南美前锋的在球场内外惹上的麻烦肯定会触怒一些切尔西拥趸,他需要做到的就是用他的进球画面代替他的球场轶事成为头条,以此来取悦球迷媒体,在英超重新开始。

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  9. Favicon of http://www.byw77.com BlogIcon 新葡京娱乐城 2013.07.07 16:23

      http://www.ttylc33.com   北京时间7月5日晚间消息,苹果公司CEO蒂姆?库克(Tim Cook)和高管团队的关键成员近期在旧金山举行了一次秘密峰会。有与会者透露,苹果公司秋季将发布多款新品。

      关注苹果公司的博客写手马克?古尔曼(Mark Gurman)援引消息人士的说法称,苹果公司此次3小时的会议主要讨论了如何通过零售店销售更多的iPhone。他同时表示,在会议结束后, http://www.zqtzw6.com E世博投注,与会者表示, http://www.bcylc66.com 皇冠国际体育博彩,对苹果公司今年秋季即将发布的产品线非常有信心。一名与会者表示,“今年秋季的新产品大军”值得期待。

      这一消息与库克近期的公开说法类似。在苹果公司近期的财报电话会议上,库克表示:“我们将于今年秋季和2014年全年发布真正出色的产品。”苹果公司的下一代iPhone预计将于今年9月发布。这意味着苹果公司发布这款新产品将花费11个月时间,这在当前的科技行业中是一段漫长的时间。

      由于苹果公司一直没有发布新款硬件产品,因此该公司股价近期出现了大幅下跌。投资者认为, http://www.sjb77.com 世界杯比分,苹果公司的智能手机销售正接近最高点,而未来的增长率将逐渐放缓。因此投资者希望看到苹果公司发布全新类型的产品,例如智能手表iWatch或电视机。(维金)

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  10. Favicon of http://www.512qn.com BlogIcon 足球比分预测方法 2013.07.08 18:40

    http://www.ylg7788.com 永利高7月4日报道:

    最近对于来说绝对是难熬的日子,球队在损失的主力前锋孙兴民后一直没能在锋线上完成重量级的签约。一直有消息称汉堡和前拜仁射手走的很近,而球员本人也表达了加盟的愿望。但近日汉堡方面确认,由于圣克鲁斯妻子方面的原因,巴拉圭射手无缘加盟汉堡,球队的锋线补强只能是的射手了。事实上,圣克鲁斯无法加盟汉堡,也有俱乐部方面的原因。汉堡连年亏损,现在更是有1000万欧元的财政缺口。据悉,汉堡今夏可能要出售和范德法特其中的一人平衡财政。


    《图片报》:汉堡或出售范德法特、阿德勒其中一人

    汉堡球迷的坏消息!近日汉堡体育主管克鲁泽表示,球队无缘引进马拉加的巴拉圭射手圣克鲁斯了,“圣克鲁斯的经纪人告诉我们,他拒绝加盟汉堡。但他强调圣克鲁斯本人很愿意加盟球队,不过他的妻子因为一些非常特殊的个人原因不愿意来到汉堡。这样的结果非常令人感到遗憾, http://www.flbdc88.com 体彩网上投注,圣克鲁斯非常适合我们球队, http://www.191space.com 皇冠投注网开户,不过我们也得接受他的决定。”圣克鲁斯在拜仁成名, http://www.800vcd.com 皇冠会员开户,可以说非常了解德甲联赛,而他和汉堡主帅芬克也是前队友,二人关系不错。但最终巴拉圭人拒绝了汉堡,沙尔克、勒沃库森等队仍然对他有兴趣。

    但德国媒体爆料称,圣克鲁斯无法加盟汉堡不仅仅是妻子方面的原因,还有汉堡方面的问题。近些年汉堡的财政情况一直不理想,连续亏损。而在今年夏天出售了韩国小将孙兴民后,汉堡的财政仍然有1000万欧元的缺口。汉堡主席亚乔夫就表示,球队必须尽快完成阵容的瘦身工作,“我们必须精简球队的阵容,有针对性的进行补强,并且减少不必要的开支。我们可不能连续引进5个人,但1个人也不卖出去。”事实上,80万欧元从阿森纳租借朱鲁的事情也一度让汉堡高层很犹豫。


    德国媒体《图片报》表示,汉堡的问题主要在于球员的合同薪水过高。目前在汉堡队内,卡查尔、贝里、拉伊科维奇、特舍、沙尔纳、曼西恩等球员的薪金都普遍偏高,这6人的薪水总额达到了900万欧元!以卡查尔为例,上赛季塞尔维亚人仅仅在联赛中出场3次,但汉堡还要支付他180万欧元的年薪,卡查尔和汉堡的合同还有2年才到期。今年夏天,汉堡就一直在试图出售这些拿着可观薪水的边缘球员,但球队的阵容精简不太顺利。

    不过汉堡也有办法在短期内解决财政危机,那就是出售球队的核心球员。其中门神阿德勒和中场核心范德法特是最有市场的球员。只要球队将二人出售,肯定可以获得1000万欧元以上的收益,这样球队的财政压力也将得到解决。但媒体指出,如果汉堡真的这样做的话,那么球队的竞争力将大受影响。俱乐部的主席亚乔夫也表示,“卖掉范德法特或是阿德勒?我们完全不会思考这样的问题。毕竟,我们需要他们来打造一支强大的球队。”

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  11. Favicon of http://www.51jobvideo.com BlogIcon 骰宝 2013.07.08 19:18

      本报记者王向娜 说起中国男子体操队,尽管前有李宁、李小双,后有邹凯、张成龙,但以杨威、李小鹏、黄旭为代表的“钻石一代”深入人心,他们技术全面,能力突出,自1999年天津世锦赛扬威之后,一直征战到北京奥运会,叱咤国际体操界十余年,捧金无数。而在北京奥运会上,他们更是携师弟陈一冰、邹凯、肖钦摘得七枚金牌,创下无人企及之高度。

      随后,伴随着“钻石一代”的隐退,中国体操男队开始进入陈一冰、冯?、张成龙时代, http://www.blgylc66.com 万豪国际,几位队员虽也战功赫赫,但与“钻石一代”相比,他们却称自己为“土豆一代”,虽有戏称和谦虚成分在内,但就整体实力而言,的确有不小差距。而尤其杨威称雄了数年的全能领域,中国队在伦敦奥运会上竟然无人出战,光彩全被日本选手内村航平占据。

      “由于竞赛规则等的改变,中国体操队在布局、发展上也走过一段弯路。”中国体操队总教练黄玉斌曾无数次发出这样的感慨。2009年,体操男队开始全国大集训,选拔一大批好的苗子,组建后备人才。对于这批人才, http://www.bcylc77.com 优博官方网站,黄玉斌只有一个要求:必须练足六项,否则不许留在国家队。

      2012年11月份在福建举行的亚锦赛上,年轻小将正式走上历史舞台,林超攀、周施雄、纪练深、刘榕冰、程然和杨胜超组成的男队华丽登场, http://www.hgzqwz66.com 皇冠网会员开户,6名队员年龄最大的23岁,最小的17岁。而他们在与日本、朝鲜、韩国等队的后备人才竞争中脱颖而出,成功收获了包括男子团体、全能、鞍马、双杠、单杠在内的五枚金牌。

      前不久的十二运会预赛场上,年轻小将再度发威,代表贵州出战的刘榕冰发挥稳定,在全能预赛到决赛均位列榜首,总分接近89分。要是按照老规则计算,这样的分数差不多可以超过90分,在世界赛场也具备了一定的实力。虽然与内村航平等高手比仍有差距,但与中国男子全能在伦敦奥运周期内尴尬的局面相比,却已经出现了提升的良好趋势。

    http://www.ttylc33.com   更为难得的是,广东选手周施雄、贵州选手邓书弟、福建男孩林超攀等等,共有7到10名队员实力相当,分数相差无几,且都具有六项全能,令人欣慰。

      “2009年布局之后,经过这几年的努力打造。一批年轻选手比出了世界级水平的动作,让人看到希望。应该说,我们在全能上的表现初见成效,可以说已经开花了,但能不能最终结出果实,还要等到里约奥运会上去检验。”黄玉斌说。他认为,目前男队在全能项目上的势头非常喜人,但面对里约奥运会,几名队员还需要各自打造自己的强项。

      在“全能王”杨威退役之后,无论是世锦赛,还是奥运会,人们总在不断寻找,“杨威第二”在哪里?到底是林超攀?还是刘榕冰?周施雄?或许三年之后,我们可以找到答案。

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  12. Favicon of http://www.bcylc66.com BlogIcon 克拉克娱乐城 2013.07.08 19:19

      从左至右依次为三弟柳可人、大哥何柳、二哥柳人可。三兄弟因长得太像而在生活中充满乐趣,今年他们三人在高考中都上了湖南重点本科线。 周赢 摄

      本报讯(记者 卿永锋 实习生 周赢 陈微) 家住长沙市杜甫江阁附近的何女士,18年前,收获了人生一大惊喜, http://www.ylg5588.com 百家乐论坛,她的三胞胎儿子平安降临世界。18年后的今天,她又收获了一个大喜,三胞胎儿子何柳、柳人可、柳可人在今年的高考中,分别以理科506分、542分、497分的成绩齐上一本线。

      老大何柳和老三柳可人高中就读于明德中学,老二则在长郡中学。在何妈妈的眼里,老大是一个性格沉稳,生活自理能力较强的孩子;老二比较温和,学习成绩也比较稳定;老三是三兄弟里最活泼的一个,思维活跃,但对于考试经常会有点紧张。对于高考志愿的填报,三兄弟是有遗憾的,本想一起去沿海的同一个城市读大学,但因为成绩上的差异,最终没能如愿, http://www.bcylc77.com 新宝。老大何柳填报的是南华大学医学类专业;老二、老三受在银行工作的父亲影响,分别填报了湖南师范大学和东北林业大学经济类专业。

      由于是同卵三胞胎,三兄弟长得极其相似,小时候也闹过不少笑话,至今仍有很多亲戚不能准确地分辨出他们三人分别是谁。小时候,参加汪涵的节目都被搞错;有次洗澡的时候,爸爸竟给同一个孩子洗了两次……生活中的他们也总是互相照顾,初中时三兄弟同在一所中学读书,有一次,老二被同桌欺负,老大急忙挺身而出,给弟弟出气。

      不管在学校还是在家里,三个孩子都是典型的乖孩子,学习上进、有爱心、孝顺父母, http://www.hgzqwz66.com 足球指数分析。由于家里的经济能力有限,他们没有参加过课外的培训班,所有的学习全靠他们自己的努力。而作为母亲的何女士并没有在学习上给孩子们施加压力,而是让他们以轻松的心态面对高考。她希望孩子们以后能读自己喜欢的书,走自己想走的路。何妈妈说:“作为家长,我们不会去左右他们的人生。”

    http://www.ttylc33.com   得知三个孩子都上了一本线的何妈妈心里满是喜悦和激动,她希望借此机会感谢那些曾经帮助过他们家的爱心人士,他们的支持和帮助为他们解决了生活上的困难,孩子们的健康成长离不开他们!

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  13. Favicon of http://www.ttylc33.com BlogIcon 万豪国际娱乐 2013.07.08 19:19

       http://www.ylg5888.com 永利高网报道 《每日邮报》在近日就罗列了从1992-2013这英超成立以来的21年间,英超所有球队创造各自转会纪录的球员。其中,最高纪录是切尔西引进托雷斯的5000万镑。其他豪门中,曼联最大的手笔是3075万镑引进贝尔巴托夫;利物浦3500万镑买入卡罗尔也是队史的纪录。曼城的最大投入则是3800万买入阿圭罗的交易;阿森纳的最高引援纪录是卡索拉的1650万镑,甚至比不上热刺引进保利尼奥的最高纪录1700万。

      从这21年间的大手笔引援名单中可以看出,切尔西球员的转会纪录由弗兰克的210万跳到了托雷斯的5000万,后者几乎是前者的24倍,增幅是豪门中最大的。曼联方面,从基恩的375万到贝尔巴托夫的3075万,升幅为10倍左右。而曼城的300万到3800万的增幅也在10倍上下。利物浦的增幅同样差不多10倍,而热刺的增幅也到了近8倍。而阿森纳仅仅从博格坎普的750万增长到了卡索拉的1650万,身价升幅仅约为2倍。最高的切尔西的增幅近最低的阿森纳增幅的12倍。

      以下是英超六强阿森纳、切尔西、利物浦、曼城、曼联和热刺近21年中创纪录大手笔引援的名单(单位:英镑)。

      阿森纳:

      博格坎普(从国米750万加盟,1995年6月)、亨利(从尤文图斯1050万加盟,1999年8月)、维尔托德(从波尔多1100万加盟,2000年8月)、纳斯里(从马赛1250万加盟,2008年7月)、阿尔沙文(从泽尼特1500万加盟、2009年2月)、卡索拉(从马拉加1650万加盟,2012年8月)

      切尔西:

      http://www.ttylc33.com  弗莱克(从诺维奇210万加盟,1992年8月)、福尔隆(从沃特福德230万加盟,1994年5月)、勒伯夫(从斯特拉斯堡250万加盟,1996年7月)、迪马特奥(从拉齐奥490万加盟,1996年7月)、勒索克斯(从布莱克本500万加盟,1997年8月)、卡西拉奇(从拉齐奥540万加盟,1998年5月)、萨顿(从布莱克本100万加盟,1999年7月)、哈塞尔巴因克(从马竞1500万加盟,2000年6月)、达夫(从布莱克本1700万加盟,2003年7月)、德罗巴(从马赛2400万加盟,2004年7月)、埃辛(从里昂2440万加盟,2005年8月)、舍甫琴科(从米兰3080万加盟, http://www.ttylc33.com 菲律宾尊龙娱乐,2006年5月)、托雷斯(从利物浦5000万加盟,2011年1月)

      利物浦:

      巴比(从考文垂360万加盟,1994年9月)、科里莫尔(从诺丁汉森林850万加盟,1995年7月)、赫斯基(从莱斯切特1100万加盟,2000年3月)、西塞(从欧塞尔1400万加盟,2004年7月)、托雷斯(从马竞2650万加盟,2007年7月)、卡罗尔(从纽卡斯尔3500万加盟,2011年1月)

      曼城:

      布拉德伯里(从朴茨茅斯300万加盟,1997年7月)、万乔普(从西汉姆365万加盟,2000年8月)、麦肯(从普雷斯顿500万加盟, http://www.blgylc66.com 澳门在线转盘,2002年2月)、阿内尔卡(从巴黎1300万加盟,2002年6月)、若(从莫斯科中央陆军1800万加盟,2008年7月)、罗比尼奥(从皇马3250万加盟,2008年9月)、阿圭罗(从马竞3800万加盟,2011年7月)

      曼联:

      罗伊-基恩(从诺丁汉375万加盟,1993年7月)、科尔(从纽卡斯尔700万,1995年1月)、斯塔姆(从埃因霍温1075万加盟,1998年7月)、约克(从维拉1260万加盟,1998年8月)、范尼(从埃因霍温1900万加盟,2001年7月)、贝隆(从拉齐奥2810万加盟,2001年7月)、费迪南德(从利兹联3000万加盟,2002年7月)、贝巴(从热刺3075万加盟,2008年9月)

      热刺:

      杜米特雷斯库(从布加勒斯特星260万加盟,1994年8月)、波佩斯库(从埃因霍温290万加盟,1994年9月)、克里斯-阿姆斯特朗(从水晶宫450万加盟,1995年6月)、莱斯-费迪南德(从纽卡斯尔600万加盟,1997年7月)、雷布罗夫(从基辅迪纳摩1100万加盟, http://www.zqtzw5.com nba录像,2000年6月)、达伦-本特(从查尔顿1650万加盟,2007年6月)、保利尼奥(从科林蒂安1700万加盟,2013年7月)

      (路飞)



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  14. Favicon of http://www.hgzqwz66.com BlogIcon 意大利 足球 2013.07.08 19:20

    6月5日(周三)议题演讲嘉宾欢迎致辞, http://www.ttylc33.com 乐九娱乐
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  15. Favicon of http://www.celinejpsalestores.com/ BlogIcon セリーヌ 財布 2013.07.08 20:13

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  16. .








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  17. Favicon of http://www.ambcw666.com BlogIcon 赌场 2013.07.12 04:53

      新京报讯 (记者张媛)7年内,通州某大型批发市场内的商户们,已经受够了绰号“胖子”侯永付的欺负。商户称,“胖子”自恃患脑瘤和癫痫,总找商户要钱,不给钱就躺地、脱衣、骂人,直到给钱为止,连警察都被他抓得满脸伤痕。

      http://www.ttylc33.com  昨日,自称“无人敢管”的侯永付,因涉嫌寻衅滋事罪和妨害公务罪在通州法院受审,检方指控其作案36起,分54次要得27万元。

      庭审中称“遭陷害”

      昨日上午,留着络腮胡的侯永付被带入法庭,滚圆的肚皮撑得号服都扣不上扣子。他没有请律师,也没有一位家属到场。

      对他的指控内容,检方读了16分钟。其间,侯永付抖着腿,笑着高声辩解:“全是骗人的,我有的是证据证明我那时不在北京。”然后,他开始一长串的辩白:“我给你解释行吧,他说我要钱他有证据吗?有录像吗?……你(公诉人)这是陷害我!”

      事实上,据公诉人介绍在之前的侦查和审查起诉阶段,侯永付也一直拒绝认罪,使得本案成为了零口供案件,于是庭审跳过讯问环节直接进入举证质证。

      两次因盗窃被劳教

      根据相关文书,侯永付早在2002年11月就因为盗窃被行政拘留,之后两度因为殴打他人、盗窃被行政拘留,两次因为盗窃被劳动教养。检方认为,其此次犯下寻衅滋事罪和妨害公务罪,建议数罪并罚判处有期徒刑五年至六年。

      “谁给你钱了,让你定我这么大的罪!”侯永付激动地反驳起来,法警拉他衣袖要求注意法庭纪律,他扭过头直瞪眼。本案未当庭宣判。

      休庭后,公诉人称侯永付被控制后,经检查发现确有45年癫痫病史、高血压和糖尿病史1年以及脑膜瘤可能性大,若判刑还要根据其身体情况决定其如何服刑。

      ■ 讲述



      “等他打滚不如给钱得清静”

      “老北京管他叫牛筋,蒸不熟煮不烂!”提起绰号“胖子”的侯永付,受其影响的通州某大型批发市场安保部许部长直挠头。他印象中,膀大腰圆、胡子拉碴的侯永付混迹在市场已近十年,最初他常常推着辆自行车满市场找点零碎活,后来渐渐就走上了另类发财路。

      摆水果摊的徐女士,是检方认定的有迹可循的首位受害者。她回忆,在2005年夏天,侯永付弄来一辆自行车,缠着非要卖给她。遭拒绝的侯永付,骑车倒在了徐女士妹妹身上,还非说是徐女士妹妹撞了他。“站在磅秤上不让卖东西,折腾了四五天,只好给了500块打发了。”

      似乎尝到了甜头,侯永付开始无所顾忌。摘了老人帽子要烟钱、堵着货车要钱致一车香蕉烂掉……“全市场都知道他有脑瘤,谁敢惹?”一位商户说。

      安保部许部长称,商户们也不甘心受欺负,有人暗地里跟踪侯永付,结果跟踪了一段时间他还有反侦察意识,老能骑着自行车把人甩掉,直到案发也没人摸清他到底住哪儿。也曾听说有商户开车把他扔到百公里外,结果他“顽强”地又找回了市场,照旧每天早上9点来,下午4点走。也有些商户们寻求正规渠道求助警察,可被抓走几天后侯永付又回来了,还老是说“我有癫痫、肿瘤,我过不了几天还是能出来”。

      于是,经过了几年的“斗智斗勇”后,商户们渐渐没了耐心,与其等侯永付满地打滚或者当着女性的面脱光衣服赖着不走,索性就给些钱求得清静。

      许部长称,“拿他真是没办法,根本就是市场里的大毒瘤、大瘟神,我们保安还没靠近他,他就倒地上说打他了。”为此也有好心人想着试试跟侯永付严肃地谈一下,希望他能找份正经职业,结果他老是笑哈哈地就走了。

    (原标题:患病男涉嫌市场内讹钱27万受审)

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  18. Favicon of http://www.2xingzuo.com BlogIcon 皇冠ccrr11投注网 2013.07.12 04:53

    http://www.ttylc33.com   从左至右依次为三弟柳可人、大哥何柳、二哥柳人可。三兄弟因长得太像而在生活中充满乐趣,今年他们三人在高考中都上了湖南重点本科线。 周赢 摄

      本报讯(记者 卿永锋 实习生 周赢 陈微) 家住长沙市杜甫江阁附近的何女士,18年前,收获了人生一大惊喜,她的三胞胎儿子平安降临世界。18年后的今天,她又收获了一个大喜,三胞胎儿子何柳、柳人可、柳可人在今年的高考中,分别以理科506分、542分、497分的成绩齐上一本线。

      老大何柳和老三柳可人高中就读于明德中学,老二则在长郡中学。在何妈妈的眼里,老大是一个性格沉稳,生活自理能力较强的孩子;老二比较温和,学习成绩也比较稳定;老三是三兄弟里最活泼的一个,思维活跃,但对于考试经常会有点紧张。对于高考志愿的填报,三兄弟是有遗憾的,本想一起去沿海的同一个城市读大学,但因为成绩上的差异,最终没能如愿。老大何柳填报的是南华大学医学类专业;老二、老三受在银行工作的父亲影响,分别填报了湖南师范大学和东北林业大学经济类专业。

      由于是同卵三胞胎,三兄弟长得极其相似,小时候也闹过不少笑话,至今仍有很多亲戚不能准确地分辨出他们三人分别是谁。小时候,参加汪涵的节目都被搞错;有次洗澡的时候,爸爸竟给同一个孩子洗了两次……生活中的他们也总是互相照顾,初中时三兄弟同在一所中学读书,有一次,老二被同桌欺负,老大急忙挺身而出,给弟弟出气。

      不管在学校还是在家里,三个孩子都是典型的乖孩子,学习上进、有爱心、孝顺父母。由于家里的经济能力有限,他们没有参加过课外的培训班,所有的学习全靠他们自己的努力。而作为母亲的何女士并没有在学习上给孩子们施加压力,而是让他们以轻松的心态面对高考。她希望孩子们以后能读自己喜欢的书,走自己想走的路。何妈妈说:“作为家长,我们不会去左右他们的人生。”

      得知三个孩子都上了一本线的何妈妈心里满是喜悦和激动,她希望借此机会感谢那些曾经帮助过他们家的爱心人士,他们的支持和帮助为他们解决了生活上的困难,孩子们的健康成长离不开他们!

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  19. Favicon of http://www.ttylc33.com BlogIcon 瑞丰国际娱乐 2013.07.12 05:08

       北京时间7月9日晚间消息,为了对抗硅谷风投和美国科技巨头,英国政府推出了一系列政策,试图确保最好的英国科技公司能够获得在本土成长所需的资金和专业技能。

      英国政府在伦敦东部打造了一座“科技城”,希望培育出一批本国科技创业公司,帮助该国走出长期衰退重振经济。然而,该计划面临着一个重大难题:该地区尚未产生一家知名的英国上市公司。许多公司无法获得第二轮融资,而最优秀的公司落入了美国风险资本家和雅虎等科技巨头囊中,就业岗位和潜在税收也随之而去。

      乔安娜•希尔兹(Joanna Shields)表示:“我们许多最优秀、最有前途的公司流失给了美国。”希尔兹曾担任Facebook、谷歌和Bebo的高管,现在管理着英国政府为鼓励对内投资而设立的科技城投资机构。

    http://www.ttylc33.com   与此同时,英国财政大臣乔治•奥斯本(George Osborne)还启动了“Future Fifty”项目,向寻求国际扩张的公司分享社会关系和建议。另外,他还降低了初创企业的资本所得税。

      英国尚未出现一家类似谷歌或亚马逊的科技巨头,对此英国首相卡梅伦深表失望:“我希望尝试并确保下一波科技巨头中有一些诞生并成长于英国。”

      融资困难

      风投公司DFJ Esprit CEO西蒙•库克(Simon Cook)表示,种子融资相对容易, http://www.blgylc66.com 立博,真正的难题在于获得后续融资。库克称:“在美国,只要成立一家公司并有所进展,就很可能获得下一轮融资。但在欧洲,只有五分之一的公司能筹到更多资金。”

      原因何在?许多英国初创科技公司缺乏推销技巧,无法将自己标榜为未来全球知名的公司, http://www.ttylc33.com 沙龙网上娱乐。欧洲风投公司Index Ventures的马丁•米格诺特(Martin Mignot)说:“我们见过很多拥有盈利商业模式的优秀公司,但它们要么市场太小众,要么没有走向全球的雄心。”

      对于GoCardless创始人汤姆•布龙菲尔德(Tom Blomfield)而言,正是在美国的经历帮助他获得了融资。在Y Combinator参加了四个月的初创企业新手训练营之后,他表示,这教会了他企业要想成功, http://www.tt9998.com HO168娱乐城,必须能解决实际问题。

      伦敦东部的Unruly Media去年从欧洲风投公司Amadeus、Van den Ende & Deitmers和Business Growth Fund融资2500万美元。该公司帮助可口可乐等品牌商在社交网站推广视频广告。联合创始人萨拉•伍德(Sarah Wood)指出了赢得投资者的三大原因:覆盖全球、高营收增长率、独创技术。

      然而伍德这样的事例少之又少。许多英国初创企业被美国大公司收购,令卡梅伦的团队颇为沮丧。网络广播网站Last.fm 2007年卖给了CSB,游戏公司Playfish 2009年被EA 3亿美元收购。TweetDeck 2011年被Twitter收购,新闻阅读应用Summly 3月份刚卖给雅虎。

      美国投资=美国上市

      说服公司留在本国发展仅凭提供建议和关怀的政策还不够。英国风险投资的缺乏是一个显著问题。

      科技行业的投资由美国风险投资公司主导,它们适应该行业的风险和潜在回报,从而能将收获的回报再次投资。英国投资者更为谨慎,而且由于鲜有成功记录,他们依然选择回避该行业。

      风投公司Dawn Capital投资的英国小额贷款公司Wonga和软件公司Mimecast都准备在纽约而不是伦敦上市。据《金融时报》报道,英国社交游戏公司King.com也计划赴美上市。

      为了打破这种循环并将人才留在国内,伦敦证券交易所今年借鉴纳斯达克设立了高增长板块。该板块允许创业者只将公司10%的股份上市流通,从而既能筹到资金又能维持对公司的控制权。

      据伦敦证券交易所的数据显示,在英国上市的246家科技公司总市值为2000亿美元,而美国上市的科技公司总市值高达3.2万亿美元。同时,投资者对伦敦科技公司的投资正在减少。市场研究公司Ascendant的数据显示,今年第一季度24家伦敦公司共融资6200万英镑,去年第四季度29家公司共融资1.51亿英镑,融资额降低了一半。

      不过,Index Venture的米格诺特表示,与硅谷和纽约一样,伦敦一线科技中心的地位依然稳固并且该市正在培育健康的资本与人才生态系统。(达西)

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  20. Favicon of http://www.ylg5588.com BlogIcon 广东快乐十分开户 2013.07.12 05:09

       建业主帅唐尧东在训练中对球员进行指导

      □记者 任磊 文 首席记者 杜小伟 图

      本报讯 2013赛季中甲联赛3月16日开战,河南建业首轮对阵贵州智诚,志在冲超的河南建业,就此踏上征程。虽然从中超降入中甲,但建业人员没有大的调整,整体实力犹在,而且投入并没有降低。不过, http://www.bcylc66.com 奥迅球探网,主帅唐尧东面对即将到来的联赛,却异常低调。

      昨天,他在建业队训练结束后表示,新的赛季里,不论是球队还是球迷,都需要做好艰苦奋斗的准备。

      中甲并不好打

      建业征战中甲,老唐也听到一些球迷的议论。“有人说咱们是中甲的‘恒大’,还有人说今年拿个足协杯冠军,明年打亚冠”,唐尧东说,“可以说,这些都是太乐观了,中甲并不好打。”

      上个赛季,唐尧东在重庆力帆执教,把他们从倒数第一名,一度带到正数第二名,原本有着冲超的大好形势,但各种原因让冲超化为泡影。“我带过中超,也带过中甲,两者确实有一些差距,但并不是大家想象中的那么大, http://www.ttylc33.com 星际娱乐,尤其是中甲前几名的球队,水平差不多,”老唐说,“今年中甲不少球队都加大了投入,竞争肯定会更加激烈。”

      老唐认为,中甲不好打的另外一个原因,是场地问题,“场地很不好,咱们一个冬天练的都是地面配合,个别场次可能用不上,恐怕还要改成长传冲吊。”董礼强对此进一步解读,“有些场地大坑小坑,不崴着脚都算幸运。”唐尧东说,他与建业俱乐部也进行了沟通,“不管人家的场地怎么样,咱自己的首先得弄好!”

      做好艰苦奋斗的准备

      “谁不想一年就回中超?”唐尧东说,“但这不是像咱说说话这么轻松,大家都得做好艰苦奋斗的准备”。

      这个冬天,建业队为重返中超进行了精心的准备,昆明、广州两地的冬训,大部分队员都反映“累得很”,所有人看起来都瘦了一圈。“准备得再好,还是要看比赛的结果,”老唐说,“咱本身水平就一般,再不努力,哪还有成功的可能?但是,话说回来,现在联赛还没开始,咱们谈这些也没啥用。认认真真对待每一场比赛,尽最大努力去打好才是最重要的。”

      在“艰苦奋斗”的问题上,老唐认为,从球队到球迷,都得保持一个平和的心态,“当年从中超降级再打回去的,没有几个球队。现在把自己估计得过高,遇到困难了肯定出问题。为什么把冲超定2年,就是不想给队员太大压力,也希望球迷们能保持一个平和的心态。”

      板凳还需加强

      让老唐头疼的,还有板凳的深度问题,“我这次回来一看,走了好多人,今年赵鹏、曾诚走了,陆峰受伤了,去年还走了于乐、王寿挺、张世昌、凌思浩,个别位置上找人都不好找。”

      http://www.ttylc33.com  本赛季,建业引进了外援齐邦巴、桑科,内援尹 http://www.ttylc33.com 鸿博、李磊、韩锋。但是,在最需要的中后卫和后腰位置上,却难觅合适人选。“不是咱不想引,冬训也来了几个试训的,但跟咱们的要求还有些差距。好一些的中后卫,各队都缺,拿着钱也买不来。”唐尧东说。

      按照老唐的设想,希望“老队员传帮带,新队员追赶超”,“但新人的差距太大了,赶不上,冬训时让年轻队员跟四川全运队打了一场,从过程到结果,都不理想。”

      老唐说,他并非刻意的低调, http://www.51jobvideo.com 二八杠,而是很多人确实对中甲不够了解。也许,在有些人看来,建业打中甲应该如履平地,但作为一支球队的最高指挥官,保持足够的谨慎以及充分的准备,却是必须的。

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    巴萨签下内马尔后并未公开他的年薪数额,后来还传出了很多不同版本的说法,为了证实内马尔年薪到底多少,《世界体育报》便派出两位王牌记者——多梅内克、索前往巴部打探。而据这两位记者所了解到的情况,巴萨并没有给内马尔开出队内第一年薪,他的年薪为700万欧元,在队内属于第三档次,他并未打破巴萨薪资构架。


    是巴萨队内工资最高的球员,今年2月续约后他的税后年薪达到了1300万欧元, http://www.ambcw889.com 七乐网上真钱娱乐。排在梅西之后的是、伊涅斯塔与比利亚, http://www.ambcw889.com 新利88国际, http://www.umentia.com/?page=23 马洛卡宣布签约日本中场 合同5年违约金1800万_网易体育 皇冠最新投注,他们的年薪区间为800万-900万欧元。再往后排就是皮克,他的年薪高于700万欧元,而刚刚加盟巴萨的内马尔,他的年薪则为700万欧元,因此他排名队内第六。此外《世界体育报》还有指出,待布斯克茨跟巴萨续约以后,他的年薪也将会上调至700万欧元。

    如果《世界体育报》的消息属实便意味着,内马尔在还没为巴萨踢一场比赛的情况下,他的待遇就已经高于普约尔、巴尔德斯、阿尔维斯、佩德罗、桑切斯等功勋战将,亦胜过昔日巴萨标王法布雷加斯。这既是对内马尔能力的一种肯定,亦是对他的一种激励, http://umentia.com/199 西甲第4轮最佳阵容:C罗传射领衔 比利亚入围_网易体育 皇冠足球投注后备网,新贝利需要将压力转化为动力, http://umentia.com/?page=125 阿尔巴独家给球迷拜年 欧洲足球投注,今后在巴萨取得不俗成就,只有这样方才配得上俱乐部为其开出的高薪。

  5. Favicon of http://www.byw66.com BlogIcon 菲律宾万豪娱乐 2013.06.16 04:53

    拉菲尼亚表示不愿意离开球队,但拜仁小将埃姆雷-詹却希望租借离开,以获得更多的出场机会。德国媒体爆料称,近日埃姆雷-詹向拜仁询问了租借加盟法兰克福的可能性。埃姆雷-詹是法兰克福青训出品的球员, http://www.blgylc66.com 365外围,他于2009年正式加盟拜仁。可是在拜仁,埃姆雷-詹一直没有什么出场机会,因此他希望在其他球队获得更多的锻炼机会。而老东家法兰克福也一直在询问租借詹的可能性,但拜仁体育主管萨默尔一直将詹视为重要的一员,希望把他留在拜仁一线队。




    《慕尼黑日报》:拉菲尼亚无意离开拜仁




    《慕尼黑日报》:拉菲尼亚无意离开拜仁






    对于欢迎自己回家的沙尔克,拉菲尼亚则表达了感激,“当然我为沙尔克的兴趣感到欣慰了,我很喜欢这支球队,我也认识许多住在那里的人们。但我在慕尼黑现在过的很快乐, http://www.512qn.com 韩国足球宝贝,我也已经和管理层说过了,我很明确的知道我会继续留在拜仁。毕竟我的合同到2014年才到期。”拉菲尼亚再次强调自己不会离开拜仁。



    网易体育6月15日报道:



    最近,关于拜仁后卫的转会传闻一直没有停过,有消息称在拜仁难以获得主力位置的拉菲尼亚希望离队,而他的德甲老东家沙尔克也打算将其买回球队。近日,沙尔克主席图更是直接表态,称球队欢迎拉菲尼亚回家。对于这一系列的转会传闻,拉菲尼亚近日公开表示,自己无意离开拜仁,但仍然表达了对沙尔克的感激。与此同时,在拜仁一线队没有什么出场机会的德国国青小将埃姆雷-詹,则表达了希望回到出道球队的愿望,他希望获得更多的出场机会。



    近日,沙尔克主席图尼斯公开表示,称拉菲尼亚希望重回沙尔克,“拉菲尼亚很愿意回到沙尔克,因为这里是他的家。”图尼斯说到。由于拜仁本赛季勇夺三冠王,从沙尔克转会拜仁的为老东家增收近500万欧元,据悉沙尔克有意用这笔钱来引进拉菲尼亚。除此之外,还有消息称在欧冠决赛后,现场观赛的沙尔克主席图尼斯和拉菲尼亚进行了会面,商谈了具体的转会事宜。



    拉菲尼亚曾经在2005到2010年效力于沙尔克,当时他是沙尔克最受球迷欢迎的球员之一,更凭借出色的助攻能力立足于德甲联赛。但在租借意甲联赛后,拉菲尼亚不复当年勇,在拜仁已经沦为替补罕有出场机会。虽然沙尔克欢迎拉菲尼亚回家,但球员本人却不想离开拜仁,拉菲尼亚近日在接受采访的时候表示,“我希望说清楚一件事情,那就是我没有表达过想要离开拜仁的意思!现在我还在度假,这样的流言就让他自生自灭吧。”事实上,拜仁体育主管萨默尔也表示过,不会放拉菲尼亚离开。

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    http://www.mcvsd.org/weblog/colszewski/2010/02/ib_physics_hl_-_week_of_282010.html#comments 川大大三学生“一球成名”踢职业 加盟 皇冠网在线投注

    http://www.mcvsd.org/weblog/bmclaughlin/2013/01/ignite_speaking_style_1.html#comments 赵鹏:练兵轻敌没想到能踢成这样 抱歉对不起球 mg平台

    http://skenny.info/archives/175/ 星跳跃弦子夺冠 周韦彤赞何冲:找男友 蒙特卡罗国际娱乐城娱乐城

  6. Favicon of http://www.alianshop.net/ BlogIcon handbags 2013.06.17 03:52

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  7. Favicon of http://www.ttylc22.com BlogIcon 金赞娱乐城 2013.06.17 21:09

    意大利媒体《体育报》称从德国《图片报》处得到的消息,在经过一番选择后,戈麦斯已经是同意加盟佛罗伦萨俱乐部了。但这笔转会最终能否成行还得看紫百合俱乐部和拜仁方面能否在球员转会费的问题上达成一致。



    德国《图片报》的消息称已经同意加盟俱乐部,但转会最终能否成行还得看拜仁和佛罗伦萨是否能在球员转会费的问题上达成一致。




    据悉,希望能从戈麦斯身上收获至少2500万欧元的转会费,但佛罗伦萨俱乐部则表示2000万不能再多了,双方在近期将会就这500万欧元左右的差价进行最后的谈判, http://www.wnsrylc88.com 比分网直播。至于那不勒斯俱乐部,他们现在似乎只能去寻找新的锋线目标了,托雷斯和马卢达等人是近期和贝尼特斯的球队联系的最紧密的球队。





    网易体育6月12日报道:



    佛罗伦萨俱乐部之所以想引进戈麦斯,主要原因在于托尼的离队和约维蒂奇的被卖,因此他们必须要引进新援以补充锋线实力。据《意大利》 http://www.512qn.com 足球报道, http://www.bcylc66.com 大世界娱乐城,佛罗伦萨已经是准备要将约维蒂奇卖给尤文了,但尤文必须得支付3000万欧元的现金才行。本来尤文希望能将一些球员当做这笔转会的筹码,但佛罗伦萨表示他们对此根本没兴趣。




    《罗马体育报》:戈麦斯同意加盟佛罗伦萨



    在拜仁已经失去主力位置的戈麦斯为了能获得一张明年去巴西参加 http://www.sjb77.com 世界杯的入场券,已经是决定在今夏加盟一家能给他足够多出场机会的球队。目前,意甲的和佛罗伦萨两家俱乐部都向他表示了极大诚意。

    相关的主题文章:


    http://umentia.com/164 西甲赛季第七位主帅下课 前巴萨球员救火保级队_网易体育 卡迪拉娱乐城

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  8. Favicon of http://www.tyc9998.com BlogIcon 太阳城娱乐网 2013.06.18 23:14

    第79分钟,巴萨用换下布斯克茨。第84分钟,巴萨再入一球,哈维中场直塞,比利亚再次单刀破门,5-1。



    第50分钟,伊涅斯塔后场直塞, http://www.020print.net 皇冠网,佩德罗形成单刀,不过他分球给远端的比利亚,皮球被后卫破坏。第51分钟,伊涅斯塔远射被卡梅尼飞身扑出。第54分钟,皮克手球吃到黄牌。第60分钟,巴萨再入1球,梅西禁区外低平球抽射被卡梅尼扑出,佩德罗跟上补射建功,巴萨3-0。



    网易体育12月19日报道:



    第75分钟,皮克单刀机会踢飞。第76分钟,巴萨发起反击,比利亚接梅西传球单刀破门,巴萨4-1。



    第26分钟,布斯克茨中场铲球犯规被黄牌警告。第29分钟,比利亚30米处打门偏出。第30分钟,巴萨扩大领先优势,比利亚直塞,佩德罗回敲,梅西将皮球吊给哈维,后者小角度打门被阿尔维斯挡出,不过他迅速跟上小角度抽射破门,巴萨2-0。



    西班牙人(433):卡梅尼/弗尔林、、奇卡、/马奎斯、维尔杜、巴埃纳/奥斯瓦尔多、卡列永、路易斯-加西亚(62’达托洛)
































    首发阵容上,巴塞罗那本场再次排出最强阵容,上轮得到休整的布斯克茨和皮克都得以首发,哈维、伊涅斯塔继续联袂双核,梅西、比利亚和佩德罗再次组成锋线MVP组合。西班牙人方面也毫不退怯,面对强大的同城死敌,他们依然排出了奥斯瓦尔多、卡列永和加西亚的攻击组合。



    (本文来源: 作者:白巧克力)


    北京时间12月19日凌晨3点,西甲第16轮迎来一场焦点之战,巴萨前往同城的科尔内拉球场和西班牙队展开加泰罗尼亚德比。比赛中,佩德罗和比利亚双双梅开二度,哈维也打入1球,最终巴塞罗那5-1大胜西班牙人,不但拿下了同城德比的胜利,更是提前锁定了本年度联赛第一的位置。



    第2分钟,奥斯瓦尔多禁区内停球后小角度打门被巴尔德斯得到。第5分钟,哈维开出角球,伊涅斯塔打门没打正位置,布斯克茨直接倒钩擦门而出。第9分钟,梅西突入禁区打门被卡梅尼倒地扑出。第10分钟,中场反抢成功形成单刀,面对门将,他横传梅西,小跳蚤竟然面对空门将皮球踢飞。第15分钟,左路低传门前,西班牙人后卫险些自摆乌龙。第17分钟,哈维远射被卡梅尼没收。



    第19分钟,巴萨取得领先,布斯克茨后场长传,佩德罗中场回敲梅西,小跳蚤不停球直塞,前方的佩德罗漂亮反跑形成单刀,面对卡梅尼,他一蹴而就,巴萨1-0。



    西甲第16轮:西班牙人1-5巴萨 巴萨全队庆祝进球



    巴萨(433):巴尔德斯/阿尔维斯、皮克、普约尔、阿比达尔/布斯克茨(79’马斯切拉诺)、哈维、伊涅斯塔(86’凯塔)/梅西、比利亚、佩德罗(88’博扬)







    第86分钟,巴萨用凯塔换下伊涅斯塔,全场球迷以及西班牙人球员都为小白献上掌声。随后巴萨又用博扬换下佩德罗。最终巴萨5-1大胜西班牙人,提前锁定了年度冠军。






    第35分钟,西班牙人中场长传,卡列永形成单刀,不过他的射门被巴尔德斯飞身扑出, http://www.tt9998.com 菲彩娱乐城。第36分钟,巴埃纳对梅西犯规吃到黄牌,紧接着奥斯瓦尔多对布斯克茨犯规吃到黄牌。第41分钟,马奎斯对梅西背后犯规吃到黄牌。第45分钟,比利亚禁区内凌空大门高出。上半时补时阶段,比利亚接队友长传形成单刀,不过他的打门被追防的后卫倒地挡出。



    第62分钟,佩德罗单刀被卡梅尼扑出,紧接着西班牙人发起反击,奥斯瓦尔多甩开盯防的普约尔后小角度破门,3-1。

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  9. Favicon of http://www.blgylc66.com BlogIcon bocaiyizu 2013.06.20 03:37

    北京时间2月1日晚间,西甲俱乐部巴拉多利德在其官方网站宣布,该队主教练门迪里巴尔因战绩不佳而遭到解雇。同时巴拉多利德也公布了新帅人选,此前执教巴拉多利德B队的奥涅西莫将会出任救火教头, http://www.150zg.com 皇冠现金网,他的合同期限并未被透露。



    网易体育2月1日报道:




    巴拉多利德官网截屏


    (本文来源: 作者:张琳)


    球员时代的奥涅西莫出道于巴拉多利德青训营,职业生涯中他最辉煌的纪录就是曾在88/89赛季效力于。退役后奥涅西莫改当教练,他曾在06/07赛季担任过巴拉多利德B队主帅,但赛季结束后并未获得新约。去年夏天奥涅西莫重返巴拉多利德B队出任主帅,并在今天被扶正为一队主帅。




    在本赛季前20轮西甲联赛中,巴拉多利德的战绩仅为3胜9平8负积18分。目前该队排在西甲第17位, http://www.wnsrylc66.com 澳门正规网上娱乐城,巴拉多利德仅比降级区高出了1分。为了改变球队日渐下滑的颓势,巴拉多利德决定解雇门迪里巴尔并扶正奥涅西莫。门迪里巴尔也成为继雷西诺(马竞)、曼迪亚(桑坦德)、利诺(萨拉戈萨)、乌戈-桑切斯(阿尔里亚)、齐甘达(赫雷斯)和巴尔()之后,本赛季西甲第7位下课的主帅。

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  10. 已经和俱乐部撕破脸皮的莱万多夫斯基,显然不希望继续留在球队,因此他多次表态称希望这不是球队的最后决定。近日他更是表示要让经纪人拿出证据,证明高层已经同意他今夏离开球队。但目前的情况是,多特蒙德方面甚至不打算放莱万去国外了,近日俱乐部CEO瓦茨克在接受采访的时候表示,莱万下赛季一定留在球队,“莱万多夫斯基下个赛季一定会为多特蒙德踢球,我们需要的是明确的未来计划。”如果莱万今年夏天确实无法转会的话,那么他很有可能在明年夏天成为拜仁的一员。



    但对于莱万个人来说,他还是最想加盟三冠王拜仁的。虽然多特蒙德方面就是不愿意让莱万加盟拜仁,俱乐部体育主管佐尔克更是放出了“拜仁尚未开价”的消息试图让莱万死心。由于莱万一心想加盟的拜仁基本不可能在今年夏天得到波兰锋霸,各路欧洲强队纷纷向多特蒙德报价。有消息称,,皇马,曼城等球队都已经开始向多特蒙德报价,希望得到莱万。而财大气粗的英超强队曼城,更是一上来就开出了1200万欧元年薪的优厚合同(莱万现在的年薪仅为150万欧元),希望以此打动莱万多夫斯基的心。




    《图片报》:鲁梅尼格和莱万约定明夏自由转会拜仁



    自从欧冠决赛后,的头号射手就成为了德国足坛的焦点。由于合同还剩1年的莱万本人早已表态不会和多特蒙德续约,因此今年夏天成为了多特蒙德将其套现减少损失的最佳时机。但莱万本人一心想加盟拜仁,多特蒙德在失去后又不愿意继续送核心球员给竞争对手,莱万的转会陷入了僵局。之前多特蒙德高层表态称,莱万今年夏天绝对不会加盟拜仁,莱万方面则与俱乐部撕破脸皮,称多特蒙德没有信守对自己的承诺。现在皇马等球队纷纷趁机抢人,欧洲各强队为莱万展开了“竞价战”, http://www.ttylc33.com taiyangcheng。



    网易体育6月17日报道:




    多特蒙德方面希望将莱万多夫斯基卖到国外,而不是让他加盟死敌拜仁。而多家海外强队竞相抬价的局面, http://www.blgylc66.com 博e百娱乐城,也让拜仁感到不安。据德国媒体《图片报》的消息称,拜仁方面很快做出了反应,俱乐部CEO鲁梅尼格近日和莱万多夫斯基的经纪人库恰斯基进行了电话联系。据称,在电话中鲁梅尼格向莱万多夫斯基的经纪人允诺,称双方之前已经达成的协议仍然有效。由于多特蒙德不放人,鲁梅尼格希望莱万多夫斯基今年夏天继续留在多特蒙德,明年夏天合同到期后再自由转会。

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  12. Favicon of http://www.bcylc66.com BlogIcon 淘宝网皇冠店铺 2013.06.25 00:00

    自从在巴黎右大腿肌肉受伤之后,梅西此后比赛状态一直断断续续,他的伤势始终没有彻底痊愈。为了避免梅西伤势复发,利亚在此前两场世预赛中都没有让跳蚤首发。梅西原本压根不想在热身赛中对阵危地马拉,但由于危地马拉威胁要扣除阿根廷50万欧元的出场费,梅西这才在足协的压力下出现在了首发名单中。

    在亮相时,梅西得到的喝彩声甚至超过了主队球员,跳蚤在危地马拉的受欢迎程度可见一斑。梅西在比赛中明显还在“收着踢”,但他仍然用极为精彩的表现回馈了热情的球迷们。帽子戏法加一个助攻,梅西制造了阿根廷全部4个进球。

    梅西的第一个进球, http://www.umentia.com/?page=23 塞维利亚门神只手遮天星耀诺坎普 梅西臣服低头_网易体育 姚记,是全场比赛中最漂亮的一个进球。梅西在禁区弧顶得球后,他面前已经有了两名防守球员, http://umentia.com/163 世预赛-本泽马助攻迪亚比进球 法国客场1-0芬兰_网易体育 VMIN-好运来娱乐城开户网址,第三名防守球员也曾左前方包夹而来。梅西选择向左侧横趟了几步,在三名防守球员形成包围圈之前,跳蚤突然起脚远射。梅西用左脚脚内侧搓出一记弧线球,皮球准确的钻入了球门左下死角。在被三人包夹的情况下,梅西仍然用踢任意球的脚法轻轻松松的轰出了一记世界波。

    不久之后,梅西又用一记完美弧线助攻头球破门。这只是开胃菜,梅西的疯狂表演才刚刚开始呢。半场结束前不久,的挑射被门柱挡出,皮球落到了梅西脚下。在梦二时代,梅西是个以内切突破为主的右边锋。在这条熟悉的梅西走廊,跳蚤这次轻松杀入危地马拉禁区,只能从背后将阿根廷10号铲倒。点球?梅西可绝对不会给对手机会。梅开二度,来的就是如此轻松。


    通常情况下,梅西在这种热身赛中只会踢半场。但在下半场开场后,跳蚤却仍然出现在了草坪之上, http://umentia.com/164 沙尔克官方宣布德国U21国脚加盟 签约4年至2017_网易体育 888zhenren。梅西很快就完成了帽子戏法,49分钟时他把拉维奇的右路横敲推进了危地马拉大门。这个进球,是梅西为阿根廷队打进的第35个进球,他超越了打进34球的马拉多纳,并且与克雷斯波并列排在历史射手榜第二位。排在他们之前的,只剩下了打进56球的巴蒂斯图塔。梅西如今还不满26岁,他比巴蒂少进了21个球。按照跳蚤的实力和近期表现,他超越巴蒂只是时间问题。

    不久之后, http://www.byw66.com 豪门国际娱乐网,梅西就被帕拉西奥换下。阿根廷10号的12/13赛季,也因此正式画上了句号。从个人表现来看,梅西本赛季一共打进了69个进球,其中包括60个俱乐部进球和9个国家队进球。相比上赛季,梅西进球数有所下降,但这也直接源于跳蚤出现了严重的伤病。从荣誉方面来看,梅西率领巴萨赢得了西甲冠军,相比上赛季的国王杯冠军,本赛季跳蚤的收获更具有含金量。但这并不会让梅西满足, http://www.wnsrylc66.com 威尼斯人网上赌场,阿根廷人永远希望得到所有的冠军奖杯。

  13. Favicon of http://www.020print.net BlogIcon 皇冠注投网 2013.07.06 06:49

      如果你不想急得砸手机,那在换4G手机之前,还是先考虑清楚吧。

      首先说,这是一个通俗易懂的技术普及贴,主要技术信息来源于不愿具名的厂商朋友们,先在此鸣谢他们一下,让他们以后继续给我爆更多料:)

      话归正题,如果你是一个急性子,要换4G前,请先深呼吸3秒钟,想清楚再说。

      为啥?4G不是比2G、3G甚至比Wifi还快么?

      对,4G的确很快,如果说2G上网是走栈道,3G上网是打出租,那4G上网确实能给你开法拉利飚方程式的快感。

      但那说的只是数据传输速度,如果你只用4G上网,确实很爽。

      问题在于,决定一个新网络成败的关键,往往不是最炫的应用,而是那些老百姓已经习惯了的基本功能,比如打电话这个最最基本的元素。

      一个简单直接的判断是,如果上网很快,但打电话不爽,你还会选择4G手机吗?

    http://www.ttylc33.com   不管你会不会,我反正不会。

      4G手机打电话哪里不爽呢?关键在一个字:慢。

      一般来说,一部手机的电话功能好不好,体现在两个方面:

      1、稳定。关键时候找不到信号,打不通电话,或是刚说着说着就断了,那会要人命的。

      2、清楚。你希望电话声音里面,老是“天空里下着沙沙沙沙沙”吗?你愿意一句话重复3、4遍,对方还是回答“听不清”吗?

      正常情况下,通话稳不稳定,声音清不清楚 ,主要取决于两个原因,一个是网络质量,二是手机质量,跟你使用的是2G、3G还是4G关系不大,不过,在新技术刚商用的时候,总难免会有些这样那样的问题。当年2G、3G放号的时候,就是一样磕磕绊绊走过来的,4G也是一样。

      但大多数人并不知道的另一件事是,很多4G打电话会很慢,很慢,很慢。

      有多慢呢?当你输完号码,按下拨号键,会过上很长一段时间,才能听到回铃音。

      这个场景你是不是似曾相识?对,这个情况以前同样存在。从技术上讲,它叫“接入时延”,以3G手机为例,工信部给出的服务规范要求是:

      手机拨打固定电话的时延是:平均值≤9秒,最大值为12.5秒;

      固定电话拨打手机的时延是:平均值≤9秒,最大值为16秒;

      手机拨打手机的时延:平均值≤10.3秒,最大值为19秒, http://www.bcylc77.com 豪盈国际娱乐城娱乐城。

      当然,因为运营商做了优化,一般时延普遍会比这个标准少2-3秒。

      那么,大多数4G手机拨打固定电话的时延是多少?具体数字我没体验过,但据说会比3G多了一倍不止,长的时候甚至能到半分钟,足够让急性子砸手机了。

      什么,你说你想用4G手机打电话抢火车票?好吧,我承认这个笑话很好笑。(顺便科普一下,为什么固话电话抢票比手机更容易,主要就是因为时延更短。)

      那么,为什么会出现这样的情况呢?

      这是因为,目前全世界绝大多数的4G技术,都采用的是CSFB技术。复杂的原理不多讲,反正这个技术的命门,就是时延过长。

      除此之外,也有一些其他技术的时延,能回到地球人能接受的水平。比如中移动的TD-LTE规模实验网,目前采用的就是双待技术(不是大家习惯的“双模双卡手机”的双待,而是指它的工作模式, http://www.9098lv.com NBA球员,此处不再详述,感兴趣者请自行百度)。

      但问题是,很多厂商,尤其是手机厂商也都不愿意支持这个技术,比如苹果……

      所以,如果中移动继续使用这个技术,就会缺少好的4G手机;但如果要改技术,不说时延问题,光网络改造的成本,就要花数十亿甚至上百人民币。

      那么,中移动会不会改变初衷呢?天知道!

      这个伤脑筋又蛋疼的问题, http://www.bcylc77.com 1博网址,还是留给中移动的高管们吧。

      当然,事情总会变好的,困难总是暂时的。最后的好消息是,不管是CSFB还是双待机,都只是过渡方案,最终LTE的话音承载方式都会升级,也就是中移动6月26日在上海高调推动的VOLTE。

      在VOLTE,平均的时延可以降到2秒!

      这下爽了吧?

      确实很爽。可问题是,即使按照中移动的白皮书,预计也要到2014年底,才能让整个网络全部升级到VoLTE。

      而厂商们,对于这个时间表还并不乐观。

      这还算是快的,联通和中电信,目前还啥都没说呢。啥时候升到VOLTE?先等着吧!

      所以说,急性子们,别急着换4G手机。

      本文作者王云辉微信公众号:科技杂谈(keji_zatan)

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  14. Favicon of http://www.596b.com BlogIcon 世界足球队介绍 2013.07.06 06:50

    http://www.ttylc33.com    北京时间7月4日下午,切尔西官方网站宣布与荷甲维特斯达成协议,即将签下荷兰中场小将范-金克尔,在完成相关手续、谈妥个人待遇并体检后,他就将成为蓝军的一员。据之前BBC的报道,他的转会费是800万英镑, http://www.ylg7888.com 重庆时时彩投注,而《每日邮报》则透露转会费达到了900万英镑。荷兰媒体《voetbalpings》称转会费只有300万欧元,但这一数字可信度并不高,因为此前荷甲冠军阿贾克斯也是范-金克尔的追逐者, http://www.xingfu3399.com 皇冠网址,他们的报价达到了750万欧元。范-金克尔也成为继德国国脚许尔勒后,今年夏天切尔西的第二笔引援。

      范-金克尔今年20岁,身高1米80,司职中场,效力于荷甲的维特斯队,最初他在场上主要出任影子前锋或前腰,后来在教练的改造下位置逐渐后移,并最终固定在中场的位置上。这名小将在17岁就开始了一线队首秀,出道于维特斯青训的范-金克尔迄今已经为维特斯一队出场111次,打进23球,上赛季帮助球队取得联赛第四的好成绩,并且被评为上赛季的荷甲最佳年轻球员, http://www.wnsrylc88.com 拉斯维加斯网,据悉他的偶像是英格兰球星杰拉德。

      去年11月荷兰国家队与德国的友谊赛中,范-金克尔在第60分钟换下阿费莱登场,完成国家队首秀,不久前他还跟随荷兰U21打进了欧青赛的四强。

      (卡拉斯)

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  15. Favicon of http://www.191space.com BlogIcon 皇冠投注业务范围 2013.07.06 06:51

       北京时间7月5日晚间消息,作为日本最大的移动运营商,NTT DoCoMo是全球为数不多的几家仍不销售苹果公司(以下简称“苹果”)iPhone手机的主要移动运营商之一, http://www.bcylc66.com 尊龙娱乐城。

    http://www.ttylc33.com   对于这种固执,NTT DoCoMo也付出了代价。在过去的4年半的时间内,NTT DoCoMo流失了320万用户。尽管如此,NTT DoCoMo还是决定要保持现状。

      NTT DoCoMo CEO加藤熏(Kaoru Kato)本周早些时候在接受路透社采访时称:“我们想开发一套生活方式系统。”

      在用户、甚至是一些公司高管越来越倾向与苹果签署iPhone销售协议的情况下,NTT DoCoMo还是没有与苹果合作的迹象。加藤熏称:“最大的问题是,与苹果合作会影响我们当前所提供的服务。”

      有业内人士对此表示,对于许多用户,尤其是那些追求iPhone的用户,NTT DoCoMo所提供的一些独家服务已经没有什么吸引力了。最终,NTT DoCoMo不是与苹果签署iPhone协议,就是失去最大运营商的头衔。

      法国巴黎银行(BNP Paribas)驻东京分析师Hiroshi Yamashina称:“NTT DoCoMo今年的手机销量还不错,但用户在流失。如果这种情况持续下去,他们别无选择,只能与苹果合作。”

      NTT DoCoMo面向手机用户推出的大规模的移动互联网接入服务和流媒体电视服务颇受用户青睐,但这些已不足以抵挡用户对iPhone的渴望。

      Yamashina称:“以NTT DoCoMo的照片服务为例,使用起来很困难。在如今的Instagram和Flickr时代,相信没人愿意继续使用。”

      其他运营商示好

      在NTT DoCoMo坚持己见的同时,其他运营商则向iPhone示好。T-Mobile US今年4月曾表示,iPhone填补了其产品线的重大空白。

      全球最大的移动运营商(基于用户数量)中国移动正利用4G技术升级其服务,从而允许1000万使用iPhone的用户接入其网络。

      去年第四季度,iPhone在日本智能手机市场的份额为42%。相比之下,三星在欧洲智能手机市场的份额为46%,但在日本的智能手机销量仅为iPhone的20%。

      NTT DoCoMo不与苹果签署iPhone销售协议同时凸显了苹果对运营商合作伙伴所要求的苛刻条件。NTT DoCoMo去年曾表示,苹果要求iPhone销量占到NTT DoCoMo手机总销量的50%。

      此外,NTT DoCoMo要求在所有设备上打上自己的Logo,而苹果则不希望自己的产品上有运营商的标识。

      合作不可避免

      当前,NTT DoCoMo以Android手机为主,今夏的营销重点是索尼的Xperia A和三星的Galaxy S4。

      NTT DoCoMo周五发布的月度数据显示,6月份NTT DoCoMo流失了14.69万老用户,连续第53个月出现下滑。但整体而言,今年前6个月NTT DoCoMo用户总量还是增加了63万, http://www.ttylc33.com 沙龙开户,主要得益于强劲的智能手机市场需求。

      目前还没有迹象表明iPhone在日本的热度将退温,而NTT DoCoMo网络的广泛性和可靠性又是iPhone的一个卖点, http://www.596b.com 360足球比分直播。

      NTT DoCoMo竞争对手的一名高管称:“将来软银和KDDI的iPhone销量将达到一个饱和点,届时苹果也没有选择,只能依靠NTT DoCoMo来销售出更多iPhone。NTT DoCoMo也许正在等待。”(李明)

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  16. Favicon of http://www.2xingzuo.com BlogIcon 皇冠足球网 2013.07.12 04:53

      冯迪凡 宋冰

      “虽然那时我还很小,但那种得救了的感觉,却在心中难忘。”站在柏林肯尼迪博物馆前,土生土长的西柏林人(尽管如今已无东西之分)弗兰克(化名)向《第一财经日报》记者回忆着1963年时任美国总统肯尼迪柏林演说的情形。

      50年后的6月19日,美国总统奥巴马访问柏林,在具有冷战象征意义的勃兰登堡门前发表演讲,他称“与欧洲的关系依然是我们安全和自由的基石”,却被德国媒体揶揄为“数据独裁者”(Data Dictator)。

      正在这样的反美情绪下,欧盟与美国8日在华盛顿开始全球最大规模自贸谈判――跨大西洋贸易和投资伙伴关系协定(TTIP)。一名欧盟官员称,和主会谈并行的还有一场关于情报监管、收集和隐私保护的谈判,美国和欧盟均有高层专家与会。

      德国人开始“反美”

      50年前,东西方两大阵营之间的较量,令处在前沿阵地的西柏林人惶惶不可终日。弗兰克对本报记者回忆道,当时父母都在抢购粮食,心中希望美国人能充当救世主。

      最终,肯尼迪“我是一个柏林人”的演说,不仅终结了西柏林人的恐惧,而且还成为德美关系的基石。

      50年间,与许多欧洲人一样,德国的年轻一代开始美化,这里的“80后”同样爱看美剧,讲着美式口音的英语。讽刺的是,“棱镜门”事件的发生,正值肯尼迪访问柏林50周年之际。奥巴马再访柏林却遭冷遇。

      要知道,2008年奥巴马上台之初曾受到德国人的热捧,当时的民调显示,有78%的德国人终于将美国视为“一个可以信任的国家”(他们讨厌小布什)。但就在奥巴马访问德国前后,“棱镜门”事件却让美国国家形象蒙羞。

      此前,美国中央情报局前雇员斯诺登(Edward Snowden)提供的文件显示,德国不但没有被视为盟友,反而被看成是“三等伙伴”。另据报道,美国国家安全局(NSA)平均每个月都要对德国进行5亿次电话、短信、邮件以及网络数据连接的监视。

      “当发现你最好的朋友在使用不应当使用的工具怀疑你时,这是一种很不好的感觉。在德国,此事已经引发了一场全国性的讨论:为什么他们要这么做,而且针对的是我们。”汉堡市市长奥拉夫?舒尔茨(Olaf Scholz)对本报记者表示,“情报活动必须被缩减,(也应)裁减(情报)人员。”

      德国总理默克尔的表述则是:“监视朋友,这是不可接受也不可忍受的,我们已经不处在冷战之中了。”

      一名略微年长的汉堡市民马克斯(化名)对本报记者表示:“美国根本没有把我们当成真正的盟友,我们可能只是排在第三甚至更靠后的位置,他们的朋友是英国、澳大利亚等等。”

      德国媒体的一份最新问卷调查显示,近三分之二德国人认为,窃听活动伤害德美关系。

      另据近日德国一民调机构所做的调查,超过半数(51%)的德国人认为美国不值得信任,比2011年进行该项民调时高出16个百分点,创下小布什政府以来德国人对美负面形象认知度新高。

      “你知道,在德国,人们对自己的房屋和住址出现在谷歌地图上都会非常抗拒,更别说发现自己国家遭到窃听了。”另一位汉堡市民告诉本报记者。

      “我对此一直很迷惑,他们到底想知道什么。我觉得你可以从新闻报道中获得比情报机关通常告诉你更多的信息。”舒尔茨说,通过一些网络侦查手段来搜查恐怖分子仅仅是极端情况,“你如果想知道一名德国议员是如何看待美国或者中国的,你大可以去看报纸而不用动用情报机关。”

      目前,德国国内对此问题同仇敌忾,有78%接受调查的民众表示同意默克尔主张,需“明确向美国表示抗议”。为了缓解德国以及欧盟各方的焦虑,奥巴马已经于上周致电默克尔。默克尔将在本周末派德国内政部长弗里德里希(Hans-Peter Friedrich)前往华盛顿就美国国家安全局“窃听门”进行交涉。

      生意归生意,窃听归窃听

    http://www.ttylc33.com   “棱镜门”事件迅速发酵甚至搅扰了美欧自贸谈判,从欧洲议会到各国领导人都发出对这次谈判的质疑之声,法国总统奥朗德更在7月1日威胁叫停美欧自贸谈判,并希望美国确保停止间谍活动。

      生意归生意,窃听归窃听,德国政界表现得比法国要“理性”得多。

      在被问及由于在情报活动上引发的争论,是否同意美欧自贸谈判需要暂时性延缓时,舒尔茨也表示,“不,我不同意,我认为这是两个完全不同的问题。”

      在德国的全力斡旋下,欧盟3日决定仍将按原计划于本月8日启动TTIP的首轮谈判,欧盟同时决定派出专家组,就“棱镜门”事件与美国展开磋商。撇开暂时的“反美情绪”,为将疲软的欧洲经济带出泥潭,欧洲各国都在TTIP上倾注了期待。

      西班牙外交与合作大臣加西亚-马加略近日接受本报独家专访时提及,欧盟同美国之间,如果达成双边贸易投资协定,将创造世界上最大的自贸区。

      互为最大贸易和投资伙伴,两大经济体的贸易总额占全球的30%。机构预期TTIP如果谈成将分别拉动欧盟和美国经济总量超过 http://www.ttylc33.com 千亿美元。

      德国更是在TTIP谈判上倾注心血,默克尔不止一次说过,“这是至今我们在未来最重要的项目。”

      根据德方测算,如美国与欧盟能够达成TTIP,美国对欧出口将增长94%,欧盟对美国出口将增长73%,而德国方面的这一增长数字则是57%。

      目前看来,“棱镜门”为欧方在谈判中增加了砝码。因为双方在诸如农业、数据保护以及知识产权等领域的差异颇大。比如在消费者数据保护方面,美国公司可以使用其消费者的个人信息数据,然而欧洲人却实行一定标准的保护。此次窃听事件曝光后,欧盟传出消息,或将在个人隐私和数据保护方面采取更强硬的谈判态度。

      “自由贸易的一个核心思想是,进出口双方都遵循同样的标准和规则。但是目前关于产品安全、劳工工作条件、环境保护等问题都困扰着跨国贸易协定的推进。”舒尔茨表示,“所以如果在这些地方我们都能取得共识的话,跨国贸易谈判才有可能取得进展。”

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  17. Favicon of http://www.hgzqwz66.com BlogIcon 足球比赛最高比分 2013.07.12 04:53

    7月22日报道:

    北京时间7月22日凌晨,西甲劲旅塞维利亚在其官方网站透露,该队已经正式签下了20岁的日本高中锋指宿洋史。不过塞维利亚没有透露转会费具体数额,也没有公布指宿洋史的合同状况。


    塞维利亚官网宣布签下指宿洋史

    指宿洋史出生于日本千叶县,并在2009年夏1月与西乙球队希罗纳签署了三年半的合同。由于当时他未满18岁,他只能等到4月19日才上演处子秀。尽管当时指宿洋史的表现并不出色,但却被希罗纳授予了象征着核心球员身份的10号球衣。

    09年夏天指宿洋史曾在皇马B队接受过试训,但最终并没有能够留在马德里,他被希罗纳租借给了萨拉戈萨B队。在27场比赛中,指宿洋史一共打进了12个进球。上赛季指宿洋史又被租借给了西丙球队萨巴戴尔,他在34场联赛中打进了11个进球。指宿洋史帮助萨巴戴尔获得西丙第三组头名,并且最终升入西乙。

    身高1米97的指宿洋史,有着天生的制空优势,同时他也有着不错的脚下技术。在塞维利亚俱乐部历史上,指宿洋史成为了第一名效力于该队的日本球员。法比亚诺离去卡努特老去,在内格雷多身边,指宿洋史将有希望成为塞维利亚的又一把尖刀。


    在西甲赛场上,指宿洋史成为了第二名现役日本球员,马洛卡上赛季曾签下中场球员家长昭博。不过在西甲历史上,日本球员很少能在伊比利亚半岛取得成功。中田英寿后最著名的日本球员中村俊辅,就从西班牙人黯然离去。大久保嘉人曾经勉强在西甲站住了脚,不过05/06赛季他在马洛卡的表现也只能用平庸二字来形容。

    指宿洋史资料

    英文名:Hiroshi Ibusuki

    生日:1991年2月27日

    国籍:日本

    身高;1米97

    位置:中锋

    国家队经历:暂无
    (本文来源: 作者:杨勇)
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  18. Favicon of http://www.sjb77.com BlogIcon 2002年世界杯 2013.07.12 05:09

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    付:中国硬セント完全収蔵取引参考価格表

    http://www.lettersforlucas.com/2010/07/gilty-as-charged/ http://www.lettersforlucas.com/2010/07/gilty-as-charged/

    http://www.acceleratingfuture.com/michael/blog/2006/03/magnetoperception-and-new-categories-of-experience/ http://www.acceleratingfuture.com/michael/blog/2006/03/magnetoperception-and-new-categories-of-experience/

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>>> import socket
>>> def netcat(hostname, port, content):
    s = socket.socket(socket.AF_INET, socket.SOCK_STREAM)
    s.connect((hostname, port))
    s.sendall(content)
    s.shutdown(socket.SHUT_WR)
    while 1:
        data = s.recv(1024)
        if data == "":
            break
        print "Received:", repr(data)
    print "Connection closed."
    s.close()

>>> netcat("hostname", port, "\xAA\xBB\xCC\xDD")
Received: ....

 
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    --------------------------------------------------------

    这是纪晓岚对太监开的玩笑。
    另举一例:
    一老太监在冬天看见纪晓岚穿着皮衣,手执一把扇子(文人的习惯),感到十分好
    笑,
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    纪晓岚听老太监南方口音,对到:
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    --------------------------------------------------------

    歪诗

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    多”。

    --------------------------------------------------------

    茶棚

    记得在「新笑林广记」中有这一则:

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    胯下不同。」
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    嫂,
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    --------------------------------------------------------

    无功受禄

    记得在新笑林广记中有一则笑话∶

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    --------------------------------------------------------

    小和尚

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    --------------------------------------------------------

    官坐堂上,众役列於两侧。忽闻一响屁,不知出自何人。官大怒,曰:公堂之
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    --------------------------------------------------------
    从前,有一位老秀才,一生不曾中举.
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    大儿子少写了五十字,小儿子多写了五十字.
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    --------------------------------------------------------
    一天,两个邮差在中午休息时相约去路边摊吃饭,
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    其中一个邮差很生气的用脚把那只蜗牛踩死了,同
    伴问他:『那只蜗牛惹到你了吗?』他说:『就是
    啊!没见过这麽烦人的蜗牛,它已经跟了我一个早
    上了。』
    --------------------------------------------------------
    从前有个傻女婿。
    有一天他岳父要来拜访,父亲刚好要出远门,不放心,所以就教他,
    如果你岳父问你:"这些院子的牛马是怎麽照顾的,长得这麽好。"
    你就说:"小小畜牲何必介意!"
    如果他问你:"家中事业是谁在管理的?"
    你就说:"小婿无能父亲掌管!"
    如果问起墙上那幅画,就说:"这是唐伯虎名画。"
    还叫他覆颂了一遍,才放心离开。
    当他岳父来了,一见他就问: "你父亲呢?"
    答道: "小小畜牲何必介意!!"
    他岳父一听,心想不对,又问: "那我女儿呢?"
    答道: "小婿无能,父亲掌管。"
    他岳父一听,大为生气,便喝叱道: "你说的是啥麽话?"
    他一听很高兴,很有自信的说: "这是唐伯虎名画!!"

    --------------------------------------------------------
    贵庚?年高?

    从前,有一个人很怕老婆。有一天,他趁老婆不在家的时候偷吃了一盒年糕。晚上被
    老婆发现了,把他狠狠骂了一通,又罚跪三更才准许睡觉。第二天,他越想越想不
    通,
    不知自己的命为什么这样不好,便到街上找算命先生给自己算算命。
    算命先生问:“请问贵庚多少?”他赶忙回答:“没有跪多久,只跪到三更。”
    算命先生道:“我不是问这个,我是问你年高几何?”他说:“我还敢偷吃几盒?我
    只吃了一盒。”

    --------------------------------------------------------
    急性子
    冯道与和凝,是五代时的两个大官。前者性子慢,后者正相反。
    一天,和凝见冯道买了一双新靴,便问:“花了多少钱?”
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    和凝一听,顿时火冒三丈,回头便骂仆人:“你替我买的那双靴,为什么
    要一千八?”
    和凝越说越气,却见冯道又慢慢抬起另一只脚,慢条斯理地说:“别急嘛
    ,这只也是九百文。”

    --------------------------------------------------------
    惯例

    一位太守刚到任,百姓们一连天演戏庆贺,并且有人带头呼喊:“全州百
    姓齐庆贺,灾星去了福星来!”
    太守一听把前任太守骂作灾星,却把自己当成福星,高兴极了。忙问:“
    这两名词写得妙,是那位高手写的?”
    百姓答道:“这是历年传下来的惯例,新太守上任都得这么喊。等太爷您
    卸任,新太守上任时,我们还是这么喊的!”
    --------------------------------------------------------
    小气
    小气的甲父亲刚过世, 想找个道士超渡亡魂. 道士索价一千元, 甲杀价成八百元
    , 道士也同意了.
    於是道士诵曰:"请魂上东天啊, 上东天"
    甲奇道:"为何不是上西天?"
    道士说:"一千元上西天, 八百元只能到东天!"
    甲无奈, 只好同意付一千元. 道士便改口:"请魂上西天啊, 上西天"
    这时棺材□传来甲父亲的骂声:"你这不孝子, 为了区区两百块, 害我跑来跑去
    --------------------------------------------------------
    庸医

    有庸医误投药饵,致死人命。病家罚令
    医家全家唱挽歌,抬棺出殡。
    医唱曰:“祖传三代做太医呵,呵咳。”
    妻唱曰:“丈夫做事连累妻呵,呵咳。”
    幼子曰:“可奈亡灵十分重呵,呵咳。”
    长子曰:”今后只捡瘦的医呵,呵咳。”
    --------------------------------------------------------
    怕老婆

    从前有位老君主要选宰相!
    而资格须有才能,勇敢!最重要是能不怕老婆!
    结果当国王说:怕老婆者站右边,不怕者站左边!
    结果大多人马上往右边跑,只剩一位外观勇敢的大将军站左边!
    国王非常高兴的问他原因..............他说:
    我老婆说:不准我到人多的地方挤..........

    --------------------------------------------------------

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    Always let your New Era cap dry out naturally instead using a clothing or hair dryer to help minimize shrinking, and to help maintain the shape of your cap.

    4) Deep Dirt/Ink/Paint Stains: Unfortunately, there's not really any safe way to get these stains out of a New Era cap without compromising some of the color or stitching due to extreme chemicals and scrubbing required to get some serious stains out.

    Again, light color caps have these types of stains more often because the stains standout more against the light background and they're harder to completely get out.

    With something serious, like an ink stain, on a white colored hat, it's best to go with a "one-two punch." That is, give it a good soapy scrubbing in warm water dilute the stain, then hit with a direct drop or two of bleach directly on the stain. Repeat this as many times as needed, but sometimes, there's nothing you can do to clean a stained cap, without ruining it in some other way.

  9. Favicon of http://www.csnclippers.com/ BlogIcon Clippers Men's Jersey 2013.03.05 11:28

    Ask any of the faithful of the Colts what has happened to the team and you will more than likely not get any sort of answer. The reason for this is due to the fact that the team seems to have fallen apart in the past twelve games. There has been a lot of areas that the team has seen a failure in over the past few seasons. One of the biggest areas of concern, is that of the quarterback position.

    Before the fans demand that the man be replaced and given to another team, let's look at the facts, he is one of the best quaterbacks to play the game in a long time. Few will argue that he is future Hall of Fame material and will be destined to do wonderful things on the field. The truth is that the man is going through a dry spell. While it is not common for a player to experience, it is quite fixable if the right ingredients are in place for the team.

    In their last outing against the Cowboys, the Colts came up ever so short in their efforts; this led a lot of the faithful to wonder has the glory days of the colts long since passed them by? This was a game that the Colts really should have won and for all rights and means was on the path to make the Cowboys just another victim to their power. Then late in the fourth quarter, the team began to show cracks.


    While Manning has dealt with his issues, there are still some players that need to get their head into the game and make the important plays later in the season. One of the biggerst areas of improvement, is that of catching the ball. Jospeh Adei is one of the players that will need to make sure that they are ready for any pass that comes at them. This is what led to the undoing of the Colts against the Cowboys, the issues that were evident, need to be gone for the rest of the season and allow for massive plays to be committed.

    The running of the ball will be an important aspect that needs to be looked at carefully in the coming weeks, the more efforts that are placed on the field, then the better the results will be for the team.

    2010 is a season that Peyton Manning is hoping will come to a fast end, http://www.csnthunder.com/ Thunder Authentic Road Jersey. If all goes well, then the team still can make the playoffs, the only problem is they will need to be perfect and not lose another game this season. Anything less, and the team will be out of the postseason. It is still a winnable season that can be salvaged with the right amount of effort.

    Doc No: 1103-FB-ULT20-ornblk
    Bobby C Barton is a retired high school coach who writes for SportsFanTreasures. Check out his Virginia Tech Blanket or his Chicago White Sox Watch

  10. Power of Pinpointing Accountability plus articles and information on Management

    I have always said that if I were to write a book on effective management principles, the first chapter in that book would be about the importance of pinpointing responsibility among an owner's or a general manager's reporting units. After all, one of the most popular definitions of management is getting work done through others.

    #1 Management Pitfall: An unwillingness to delegate.

    Many times the owner or general manager is the most knowledgeable and the most capable person in the company; he or she can perform many tasks better than anyone else. The problem arises when managers decide that they are the only people in an organization who can really perform a task "right."

    While this may be true, when managers feel a strong need to be in total control by personally taking charge of the company's most critical tasks, they have made a very personally limiting decision. Why? Because any single person has just so many hours in a day. So managers who are poor at delegating are limited by their own personal mental and physical stamina.

    A manager friend of mine recently told me a great story that I believe illustrates this point extremely well. This particular owner had founded his business almost 40 years ago and had designed the company's first product catalog about 25 years ago. The catalog was highly successful, so he continued to hold on tightly to this task himself. No one else in the organization was as capable at selecting products for the catalog or laying out the product selection.

    As the business grew, however, the owner became busier and busier with involvement in other critical management functions: Banking relations, negotiating insurance programs, strategic planning, estate planning, acquiring new locations, etc. So the most current catalog was neglected and pretty soon began to look outdated.

    A key employee who had worked with the owner in implementing previous catalogues came to him and offered to assume responsibility for the project. However, the owner continued to sincerely believe that only he could do this job and do it "right." But nothing happened.

    Realizing that she was taking a risk, the subordinate took it upon herself to take a stab at laying out the catalog. Conscientiously working at home, she burned the midnight oil so the project didn't interfere with her normal duties at work http://www.shopthesf49ersgear.com/ Kaepernick NFL Jersey. Finally the project was finished and she presented the rough layout to her boss.

    "Wow," he exclaimed. "What a great job!"

    The owner finally realized that while the catalog she had designed was not laid out as artfully as perhaps he could have done it himself, the project had gotten done.

    What duties and tasks are you holding onto because you perform them better than anyone else? Are you assigning responsibilities to your people and holding them accountable for measurable results?

    So ask yourself: Is the success of your business limited by your own personal physical and mental stamina? There's just so much that any one person -- no matter how talented -- can do and do well.

    #2 Management Mistake: Failure to hold your people accountable for measurable results.

    Have you ever told a manager that the next time you walk into the area of the business he or she is responsible for that you want that area to be neat and organized? Most owners and managers certainly have http://www.shopthesf49ersgear.com/ Kaepernick Impact Jersey. Well, how about this question: Have you ever returned to inspect the manager's progress and been disappointed in what you observed?

    The reason many times is because the owner's or manager's idea of C-L-E-A-N is substantially different from that of the subornate.

    Try this: Prepare an inspection checklist. Describe clearly what your definition of clean is so that the person you're holding accountable will know in no uncertain terms what is expected of him or her.

    So often managers are guilty of saying to a subordinate manager: "I want you to reduce expenses out here." But they never suggest how much or expressing the request in measurable terms.

    I suggest to my clients that they hold their managers accountable for controlling operating expenses to a specified percentage of sales and pay the manager on his ability to meet this goal.

    Management mistake #3: Failure to establish minimum conditions of employment.

    In other words, make sure all employees understand in measurable terms what they have to do -- at a minimum -- to keep their job.

    Examples:

    How many new customers and how much sales volume must a salesperson attract to the business in a given period of time?

    What inventory turnover must the buyer achieve at a minimum?

    What collection days must the credit manager achieve at a minimum?

    How much net margin must the general manager achieve at a minimum?

    (Bill Lee is author of Gross Margin: 26 Factors Affecting Your Bottom Line. To order, see shopping cart at www.mygrossmargin.com. Or call 800-808-0534. US$29.95 plus $5 S&H)

    Bill Lee is a sought after business consultant and seminar leader. He is author of Gross Margin: 26 Factors Affecting Your Bottom Line and 30 Ways Managers Shoot Themselves in the Foot.

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  11. Favicon of http://www.nbabgstore.com/ BlogIcon Spurs Gary Neal Men's Jersey 2013.03.09 15:29

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  12. Urban clothing has become one of the most definitive fashion standards in the clothing industry. This style of clothing was first popularized by African-American hip hop artists, who led to the 'hip hop movement' in the youth, influencing them to change their dressing standards and swap them for loose, over sized clothing. Urban clothing has become hugely popular among teenagers and those in their early twenties due to various reasons. Firstly, everybody likes staying ahead of fashion and there are times when standard clothing often becomes too boring and repetitive for many people, so they wish to try urban clothing. If you are looking for good quality urban clothing, choosing the right brand is very important.

    There are a number of fashion brands that have made a foray into the urban clothing segment. People who are interested in wearing such clothes generally want good quality and comfortable clothing, which is the main focus of all the brands. One of the best urban clothing brands you can choose for yourself is Coogi Clothing. Not only does Coogi manufacture T-shirts, jeans, trousers and shorts for its customers, but you can also get customized hats, Snapback hats, caps and quality footwear.

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  13. Los Angeles Lakers center Dwight Howard was fined $35, 000 by the NBA on Thursday for a flagrant foul against Denver's Kenneth Faried.

    Howard was ejected with 5: 02 left in the third quarter in the Lakers' 126-114 loss to the Nuggets on Wednesday night. He was called for a flagrant foul 2 when he jammed his hand in Faried's face as the Denver forward drove the lane. Faried tumbled to the floor, but shook off the fall to stay in the game.

    After the game, Howard acknowledged it was a hard foul and that it looked bad when seeing it on replay, but he didn't think it merited ejection.

    ''I was surprised it was a flagrant 2, '' he said. ''My intention was never to hurt Faried. I like the young fellow and my intention was just to foul. I come down the lane, somebody is going to foul me hard, put me on the free throw line and make me shoot free throws. It was the same kind of thing. ''

    Faried said he thought Howard might have been frustrated and also sensed his determined drive to the basket.

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  14. Favicon of http://www.jordanshoessalenow.com/jordan-cp3-vi-c-49.html BlogIcon jordan cp3 vi 2013.03.13 11:11

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  15. Favicon of http://www.snspurs.com/ BlogIcon Tim Duncan home Jersey 2013.03.18 14:37

    ..
    Baltimore Orioles manager Buck Showalter is close to getting a three-year contract extension, CBS Sports reported Friday night.

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  16. Supra came on the scene in 2003 as a subsidiary of KREW apparel which is also founded by Angel Cabada Supra's Ceo and Founder.

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  17. Actually dugouts as well as bullpens may not require which aged landline quickly.

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    Mark Jackson figured his Golden State Warriors could be in for a tough night, calling the Memphis Grizzlies ''the best frontline in basketball'' hours before tipoff.

    At this point, the Warriors coach should know.

    Zach Randolph, Rudy Gay and Marc Gasol had their way inside on both ends of the court to help the Grizzlies complete a 3-0 road trip with a 94-87 victory over the Warriors on Wednesday night. Memphis, which has won eight straight against Golden State, outscored the Warriors 60-34 in the paint.

    ''Those are our horses, '' said Grizzlies guard Tony Allen, who had 10 points and four rebounds off the bench. ''We ride those guys. ''

    Randolph finished with 19 points and 12 rebounds, Gay scored 18 points and Gasol added 12 points and nine rebounds as Memphis made its quick West Coast swing more memorable. The Grizzlies (23-10) also won at Phoenix on Sunday and at Sacramento on Monday, building a 1 1/2-game lead over Golden State (22-12) for fourth place in the Western Conference.

    ''We needed this, '' said Gay, who also had six assists and five rebounds. ''We've been going through some ups and downs and had some lapses, some kind of lapse games. We lost a couple at home. We had to come out here for ourselves to get three out of three. ''

    Consider it done.

    Stephen Curry scored 24 points and Klay Thompson had 20 points, seven rebounds and seven assists as the Warriors lost back-to-back games for only the second time this season.

    After falling behind by five late in the fourth quarter, Curry made a pull-up 3-pointer and Thompson drew a fast-break foul to set up the tying free throws. Gasol answered with a reverse layup under heavy pressure, pumping his fist in celebration to give the Grizzlies the lead again.

    In the end, though, defense sent Memphis home a winner.

    Mike Conley stole David Lee's pass before getting fouled and making both free throws. On the next possession, Jerryd Bayless blocked Jarrett Jack's shot and that led to a layup for Conley that gave the Grizzlies an 88-82 lead with 1: 51 remaining.

    Lee followed with a jumper, but Gay answered back with an 18-footer. Curry's 3-pointer brought the Warriors within three for a moment before Randolph made two free throws to finish off Golden State with 13. 2 seconds left.

    ''You play them, you're going to get better, '' Jackson said. ''They execute you to death and playing them is going to force you to get better. ''

    The Warriors were coming off their most lopsided loss of the season, http://www.freetrainningshoes.com/ cheap nike trainning shoes, 115-89 at the Los Angeles Clippers on Saturday night. They fell to 9-2 after a loss this season.

    The length of Randolph, Gay and Gasol gave Golden State fits on both ends of the floor.

    Memphis took advantage of several second-chance opportunities and started to pull away behind its big men in the second quarter. On one play, Randolph grabbed two straight offensive rebounds - with Lee falling to the floor - before he finished a layup through a crowd of defenders to highlight a 16-2 run to put the Grizzlies up 45-32.

    Two late 3-pointers and a reverse layup by Curry eased a horrible defensive half for the Warriors some. After shooting 54 percent from the floor and going ahead by 14 points, Memphis only led 55-46 at the break.

    Golden State mixed in some matchup zones and held the Grizzlies to 5 for 18 shooting in the third quarter, getting a spark from Thompson's two 3s and Jack's aggressiveness off the bench. Jack got Allen in the air on a pump-fake and made a long jumper while getting fouled to start a three-point play, and Curry swished another from the perimeter to tie the game at 74 midway through the fourth.

    Grizzlies coach Lionel Hollins sent his frontline back in the game and the trio overwhelmed the Warriors when it mattered most.

    ''That's the strength of their team, is grinding in the paint and offensive rebounding, '' Lee said. ''It's disappointing, because that's been one of our strengths throughout the season, and we've just got to come back and do a better job of it next game. ''

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    5. Ottawa Senators: Everyone expects Ottawa to finish last. Since we don't want to be like everyone, we are predicting that they will finish third from last. Basically, the kids need to do well just so they can feel good about the future. Then, who knows, maybe getting a number one draft pick is in the cards!

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    天呀!带生殖器.....

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    先生:「@#$%」

    比比看

    某日,一群男人聚在一起比较谁的话儿长,有的14公分,有的11公分,最短的也
    有10公分,等大家都说过自己的长度之後,只有小呆默默无语,於是在大家一阵逼
    问之後...
    小呆小声地说:「4公分。」大家哄堂大笑。
    小呆又说:「软的时候,4公分。」有些人就不再笑了!
    这时小呆又说了:「软的时候,站着离地4公分。」全场鸦雀无声!!

    老人与媳妇

    话说一个老鳏夫,辛辛苦苦的将儿子拉拔长大,也帮儿子讨了个媳妇儿,看到小俩囗
    如胶似凄,这个老爹在多年不知肉味後已动了凡心了,只是不好明说,偏偏没有人懂
    得他的暗示。
    这一天,真的忍不了啦,於是独自跑到河边,这时,媳妇出来找公公回去吃晚饭,正
    巧看见公公拿着一片香蕉叶自言自语:
    『儿啊!莫怪爹爹狠心,如果不是你娘死得早,你也不用飘流在外呵!』
    说着就把叶子放到河里去了,此时回头一望,看见媳妇儿的脸红的像猪肝一样,知道
    都被看见了,
    只好硬起头皮问:『哎!怎麽站在这儿都不叫我?』
    媳妇回答:『刚刚公公送小叔坐船离开,我不敢打扰啊!』
    几天後,儿子帮自己父亲找了个新娘,从此一家人过着幸福快乐的日子!

    保险套

    话说有两个女生住在同一栋宿舍的同一间房间中~~
    某一天,其中一位女生告诉她的室友说:
    「我的男朋友好自私喔!每次保险套都带有颗粒状的!」
    「这样很爽啊,怎麽会自私呢?」
    另外一位室友说道:「可是他都反带了啊!」

    借钱

    有一对夫妇,实在是走头无路,丈夫只好让妻子去当阻街女郎。
    有一天,有位开着车的客人停在妻子的面前问:「上一次床要多少钱?」
    妻子就说:「请等一等。」
    於是就跑去问丈夫,丈夫说了:「3仟。」妻子跑回去告诉了客人价钱。
    客人说:「我身上没带太多钱,那帮我手淫要多少钱呢?」
    於是妻子又跑回问丈夫,丈夫说了:「1仟。」妻子又跑回去告诉了客人价钱。
    客人答应了,就从裤档里拿出20公分长的生殖器官!!
    於是妻子跑去问了丈夫:「我们可不可以借他2仟块。」

    石雕的故事

    一个男人和一个女的在床上缠绵突然,女人的丈夫回来了,
    女人就对那个男人说:「你快点站到角落去,一直到我说可以动你才可以动。」
    说完就在男人身上洒一些石膏粉...
    丈夫问:「怎麽有一座石膏像在那里?」
    女人说:「我看强尼太太家也有一座,挺好看的所以也去买了一座。」
    隔天丈夫起床後,就拿了一块面包到石膏像前,说:「快吃吧!我在强尼太太家站了
    一整个晚上连杯水都没喝呢!!」

    贵妇与爱犬

    有一个漂亮的寡妇养了一只狼犬,这只狼犬不但会帮女主人看家;而且会帮她拣报
    纸,拿拖鞋。
    总之,这个寡妇非常喜爱她这只狗狗。然而,这个寡妇有一个相当大的问题,
    那就是每当她弯下腰时,这只狼犬就会往她背後扑上来,并做出狗类性交的动作,这
    实在太困扰她了。
    於是,她决定找个兽医帮帮忙。
    当兽医问到这只狼犬的问题,漂亮的寡妇也就如此这般的说了上述情形:
    兽医便曰:
    「这狗类实在太可恶了(其实心想不如我来吧!)
    这样吧,那就乾脆把它给「阉了」(就是把整串给割掉)算了,那就ok了!」
    女主人听了相当慌乱。
    兽医又曰:「干啥子这麽紧张?有什麽问题吗?」
    这漂亮的女主人就说:
    「干嘛把人家的给阉了,我只是要你把它的爪子剪一剪就好了,要不然每次都抓得人
    家好不舒服!」

    贵妇与医生

    有一天,一个贵妇到高尔夫球场上打球,被蚊子叮了,因为奇痒难忍,便跑去看医
    生。
    医生问贵妇:「你在那里被叮了!」
    贵妇:「大概在第一洞跟第二洞之间!」
    医生若有所悟的说:「嗯,我想你的双腿一定站得很开吧!」

    搭讪

    有一位男士在酒吧看到一位美丽的女子,便股起勇气去搭讪。
    但是这位男士很紧张,所以讲话结结巴巴的。
    他说:「小.小.姐,我.我.我姓..姓...吴,能.能.能不能和..你.你
    聊.聊一聊?」
    小姐善解人意的回答:「性无能没有关系,也许还有其他的办法可以治好!」

    热狗大亨

    有两个嗜酒如命的人。有一天,两人相邀去喝酒,却发现两人身上加起来的钱只有2
    00馀元,其中一个人对另一人说:「没关系,看我的。」他们到了一家7━11买
    了两条热狗大亨,将热狗大亨分别塞在自己的裤裆里,然後进了酒店大喝特喝,喝到
    差不多的时後,他们就互相趴到对方的裤裆,吸吮起热狗大亨,酒店酒保看到就生气
    的对他们吼:「滚出去!不要在我店里干这种肮脏下流龌的事!!」
    他们就用这种方法一连喝了八家。
    其中一人对另一人说:「今天喝的我好累!」
    另一人说:「我才累呢!我的热狗大亨在第二家的时後就掉了!」

    猪血糕

    小美特别喜欢吃猪血糕,每次在路边看到卖猪血糕的摊子,一定会买来过过瘾。
    某天,她在路上看到有一六十多岁的阿婆在卖,就去买来吃。
    吃罢,发现这猪血糕异常美味,於是她就想向阿婆至上最高的敬意。
    (用台语对答)
    美:「阿婆,你的猪血糕怎会那麽香?」
    婆:「材料珍贵,一个月只能卖几天。」
    美:「哇!那麽珍贵的材料,你哪拿的?」
    婆:「唉,我的用了几十年,现在老了,没了。现在只能靠我女儿了。」
    美:「*&%@」

    喜酒

    前几天去叁加友人的结婚典礼和喝了一些的喜酒...
    在到达餐馆的时候恰好在同一层楼有人亦在吃喜酒,好奇之下,
    我看了一下他们的告示牌...上面写着『殷』、『毛』连姻!!
    只见其内的主客皆神色不太自然...

    摆地摊

    一对兄弟住在一起,哥哥娶了老婆後仍住在那。
    一日夜里,哥哥对老婆说:我有「本钱」,你有「店面」,我们「作生意」吧!
    於是两人就云雨乌山了起来!
    弟弟在旁听到,一时「欲火」高涨,就抓了毯子到门外「自摸」去了。
    不久嫂子完事後出去欲清洗一番,发现小叔,便大惊转身拉丈夫出来看。
    哥哥说:「弟!你在干嘛?」
    弟弟说:「你们有本钱和店面作生意,我只有本钱,难道不可以摆地摊吗!?」

    抢劫

    某日富商开着凯迪拉克,带着年轻貌美的女儿兜风。行经荒郊野外,远远望见几个凶
    神恶煞拦路抢劫。父女两人急的不知怎麽办好。忽然女儿灵机一动:「爹地,不如把
    重要的珠宝都藏在女儿的小洞洞里,减少损失。」果然抢匪拦他们时,遍搜不到任何
    钱财,只好把凯迪拉克开走。富商望着渐行远去的凯迪拉克,不禁叹道:「唉!要是
    你妈也在就好了!」

    一次

    有一天,在一个pub里,有三个男子在比持久。
    甲说:「昨天晚上我和我老婆来了四次,早上我老婆和我说老公我好崇拜你。」
    乙说:「我昨天和我老婆来了六次,隔天早上我老婆说她再也不会爱上别人了。」
    大家就问丙:「你和你老婆昨晚来了几次?」
    丙说:「一次。」
    大家都很不屑的再问:「那早上你老婆和你说什麽?」
    丙说:「老公我们休息一下好吗!」

    快乐

    一对新婚夫妇蜜月旅行回来,朋友问先生:「你快不快乐?」
    先生答:「嘻,好快乐。」
    朋友再问其老婆:「那你快不快乐呀?」
    老婆回答:「嗯,乐是乐,倒是快了点。」

    性骚扰

    有个妈妈对小女孩说:「如果有人对你性骚扰,摸上面就说“不要”,摸下面就说
    “停”!」
    隔天,小女孩被性骚扰了,哭着回来向妈妈说,妈妈听完小女孩的话後,很生气的
    说:「你有拒绝那个人吗?」
    小女孩用很无辜的眼神看着妈妈,点点头说:「那个人上下一起摸,所以我说“不
    要~~停”!!」

    进茅厕

    有一天,太监正在想,皇上的每一件事都这麽的隆重...为何只有上厕所不隆重
    呢?於是,太监决定隆重一下。
    有一天,皇上进茅厕,太监便说:「奏乐,掀龙袍,抬龙根,撒龙尿,抖龙头,关龙
    袍。」
    不久後,皇后便也想隆重一下,太监答应,於是皇后便进了茅厕。
    太监高喊着:「奏乐,掀凤袍,开凤眼,撒凤尿,关凤眼。」

    新婚之夜

    新婚之夜,一对新人正尝试如何做爱...
    突然传来女人兴奋的笑声说道:「我终於握到你的把柄!」
    但男人也不甘势示弱的叫着说:「我也探到你的漏洞!」

    热闹

    A男A女和B男B女两对老夫少妻同时住进一大饭店的相邻套房度蜜月。
    B这对新婚夫妇因丈夫年事已高一蹶不振,所以整晚冷清至极,相反地隔壁房间却整晚
    闹哄哄的。
    於是到了隔天早上,B女便偷偷请教A女,为何她丈夫年纪更大却仍如此勇猛,
    以致昨晚房间热闹非凡,是否有甚麽秘诀。
    A女回答说:「其实也没甚麽啦!昨晚我先将我俩的衣服脱光让他躺在床上,
    然後把他那话儿竖起,接着赌它会倒向那一边!!」

    机率

    一天,王太太怀了四胞胎,并到处向街坊邻居邻居炫耀,说怀四胞胎的是很不容易
    的,平均要六万次才会发生一次。结果隔壁的李太太听到了,就很讶异的向其他人
    说:「那她还有空做家事吗?」

    5加5等於多少

    马小弟上幼稚园,老师考他算术:「3加3等於多少?」
    马小弟摊出10指数了数,回答道:「6」
    老师又问:「4加4等於多少?」
    马小弟又数了数指头:「8」
    老师说道:「不行,要用心算,把两手放进囗袋,现在再问你,5加5等於多少?」
    马小弟算了半天,两只手还是在囗袋里计数着。
    过了许久,终於...答案出来了!!
    只见马小弟说道:「11」

    小手

    学生:「为什麽怀孕到八九个月时..最好不要那个呢??」
    老师:「其实是也可以..不过...」
    学生:「??」
    老师:「如果你们不怕突然有只[小手]抓住你们那个的话...」

    未卜先知的乌龟

    某甲,某乙和某丙相偕进京赶考,半路他们看到一块招牌,上面写着:「未卜先知的
    乌龟。」他们三人觉得很好奇,便一块儿进去,准备一探究竟。招牌下的帐蓬里,有
    一个贴着红布的小抬子,上面放着一只小乌龟,桌子後头则坐着一位满脸皱纹的老太
    婆。老太婆说:「这是一只未卜先的乌龟,你们想知道什麽事,就尽管问。」
    某甲说:「请问我养了几只羊?」
    老太婆不知用什麽话对乌龟说了几句,乌龟就把它的头伸进伸出,反覆了三十三次。
    「乌龟说你养了三十三头羊。」老太婆说。
    某甲非常激动,因为乌龟完全答对了。
    「请问我有几个儿女?」某乙问道。
    老太婆又对乌龟嘀咕了几句,它也同样又做了伸头的动作,做了十一次。
    「它说你有十一个儿女。」老太婆说。
    某乙听了之後频频点头,小乌龟完全答对了。
    最後轮到某丙;他不信邪,偏要出一道难题来考考这只乌龟,他说:
    「我老婆现在正在做什麽?」
    某丙得意地问出这个题目,他心想,这下子它一定答不出来了。
    老太婆照例翻译给小乌龟听。
    此时,小乌龟缓缓的爬起来,然後十分辛苦的往後仰躺在桌子上,不断挥动它的四
    肢。

    我不知道你还是处女

    一对热恋中的情侣在车後座脱衣办事...
    「对不起!」男孩说:
    「我不知道你还是处女,要是知道的话我就会多花点时间做前戏动作。」
    「是吗?」女孩幽幽的说:
    「如果你不要那麽急的话,我也就会把丝袜脱掉了。」

    看那一科

    一个老太婆买完菜要回家,途中有一条大马路,她慢吞吞的走过去,一辆小轿车煞车
    不及,撞上了她的[胸部],她摔倒在地。车上司机下车询问伤势!?又想要带老太
    婆去求医,但心里想:「到底要带她去看哪一科才好??」於是,司机就说道:「婆
    婆,请问您的伤要看哪一科呀??」老太婆气说:「废话!当然[两颗]都要看罗
    !!」

    鸡蛋与钱

    有一个人向女友求婚,在答应他的求婚之前,女子告诉他她在床底下藏了一个鞋盒,
    并要他答应绝对不能去看盒子里的东西。男子表示他能够理解,他也不喜欢有人去翻
    他的皮夹,也同意绝不会去偷看鞋盒里的东西。五年过去了,他们一直过着幸福的婚
    姻生活。
    有一天,先生独自在家,他的好奇心战胜了理智,於是他把鞋盒打开,看到里面放着
    三个蛋和五千元的现金。他觉得很莫明奇妙???
    当男子的妻子回家之後,他向她袒承自己偷看鞋盒的事。
    『现在你可以告诉我这些东西代表什麽吗?』他问。
    『可以。』他的妻子回答:『我每外遇一次,我就会在鞋盒里放粒蛋。』
    男子听了楞住,但後来他想了一想,五年中有三次外遇还不算太坏。
    他深吸了一囗气接受了这个事实。
    『那五千元又代表什麽呢?』男子又问。
    『每次累积到一打蛋,我就会拿去卖钱。』

    心肝是不是宝贝

    小明国中上健康教育正好上到内脏篇~心脏及肝脏。
    小明便好奇的问老师:「心肝是不是宝贝?」
    老师回答:「心肝是人体最重要的器官,当然是宝贝!」
    小明又问:「老师,老师,那心肝有没有长脚ㄚ?」
    老师回答:「小明真笨,心肝是器官怎麽会长脚呢!?」
    小明又问:「老师,老师,那为什麽我每次半夜醒来都听到我爸爸说~心肝宝贝麻烦
    把脚张开一点!!??」

    打架

    在公车後座坐了一排建中的学生在聊天。车开到景美时,上来一个北一女的学生和她
    弟弟。车开到新店时,北一女的弟弟看见车外有两只狗在交配,弟弟就仰起头来问身
    旁的姐姐:「它们在做什麽,姐姐?」
    身为淑女姐姐当然不好意思说它们在XX以免教坏小孩,只好跟弟弟说:「它们在打
    架啦!」
    结果,这些话被坐在最後座的那群建中的听到了,并笑成一团。这时,北一女的姐姐
    就翻过来狠狠瞪着後排这些建中的学生,这时建中的一个学生就说:「看什麽看,想
    打架啊!」

    比较

    小明和小华两人非常的喜欢比较。这一天两人又开始他们的[比较生涯]了!
    小明:「我姊姊比你姊姊好!」
    小华:「我姊姊才比你姊姊好!」
    小明:「我哥哥比你哥好!」
    小华:「我哥哥才比你哥哥好!」
    小明:「我爸爸比你爸爸好!」
    小华:「我爸爸才比你爸爸好!」
    小明:「我妈妈比你妈妈好!」
    小华仔细想了一下,才回答道:
    「没错!我爸爸也说你妈妈比我妈妈好!」
    小明:「!@#$%&」

    养生之道

    在一家酒吧中坐着三个白发苍苍的男人。
    甲先发言说道:『我今年已经86了,要不是常保愉悦身心,加上不乱做爱~做的
    事,这条老命早就不保了!』
    乙接着说:『我三餐清淡,并且常做运动,以至於如今九十有六了还这麽健康!』
    这时丙说话了:『当我18岁的时候我父亲曾告诉我,所谓享受人生就是~要抽雪茄
    喝烈酒夜夜笙歌,每天换一个女人,我就是照这种方式生活,我的人生真是享受啊
    !』
    甲:『真是太不可思议了!』
    乙:『竟然有这种事,真让人羡慕!老兄,那您今年贵庚啊?』
    丙:『我今年二十六...』

    京片子

    去北京玩的时候,由於吃住都在饭店内,所以发生了一些笑话...
    刚到时,在房间内想小睡片刻,突然从总机那儿来了一通电话, http://www.nbabigstore.com/ Swingman Jersey,电话的那一端传来迷
    人的声音,说道:
    『先生,您要~叫床~(意即morning call)吗?』
    某一天,正在吃中饭时,有一个服务的小姐走过来,问我们一句话:『先生,您要~
    囗交~(其实是囗胶,
    囗香糖的意思啦!)吗?』
    害偶只差没噎死...!!!!????

    喂哺

    某少妇一向我行我素,即使在公众场合给孩子喂哺人乳,也绝不扭捏。
    一次,他和丈夫带同孩子上馆子吃饭,孩子肚饿哭闹起来,少妇掀起衣角便给孩子喂
    奶。
    餐厅侍应走道她身旁,婉言请她不要当众喂奶。
    少妇大为光火,说道:「难道你认为喂哺人乳淫秽不雅吗?」
    「不是!」
    侍应礼貌地指着墙上告示说:「不过这儿禁止进食非本餐厅供应的食品。」

    挂反了

    有一个国家因经费欠缺,常常无法给士兵拥有最佳的装备。
    某日,该国的将军心血来潮,要来检查装备。当地的营长相当紧张,立刻翻箱倒柜,
    把所有的装备都拿了出来,可是所有的衣服还是不够士兵穿着,营长担心会被查办,
    而丢了饭碗。突然他想到该将军是个大近视眼,於是他命令所有的士兵将身上的衣服
    脱掉,涂上迷彩,企图混过後来将军来了,看到大家服装非常的整齐,相当高兴营长
    正沾沾自喜时,只听见将军问到:「营长,你们士兵的手榴弹怎麽都挂错地方了?」

    钥匙拿错把了

    从前有一位将军,取了一个非常漂亮的老婆。但是,漂亮的老婆却非常浪荡!!
    有一天,将军要带兵出征,却怕老婆讨客兄,於是绑了一条贞操带在老婆身上。
    将军找了一个他认为最忠心的副官,把钥匙交给那副官,并交代说:「钥匙要收好,
    等我回来在交回给我。」
    於是将军很放心的打仗去,才出城门不久..副官快马追来问道:「报告将军,您钥
    匙拿错了!」

    新来的公鸡

    有一个农夫觉得自己家的公鸡太老了,决定买一只年轻的公鸡来,这样可以让母鸡们
    都满意。小公鸡买来后,老公鸡认为小公鸡会取代自己的地位,就对小公鸡说:"这样
    吧,咱们围着院子跑十圈,谁跑赢了,就证
    明谁身强力壮,母鸡们就归谁。"小公鸡同意了。一开始,老公鸡一马当先冲了出去,
    小公鸡在后面紧紧追赶。母鸡们都在喊加油。三、四圈一过,老公鸡力气不支,小公
    鸡逐渐赶上。眼看就要超过老公鸡了,忽听
    砰一声枪响,小公鸡一头栽倒在地。农夫手里拿着一杆枪,气愤地说:"他们又卖给我
    一只同性恋的鸡!"

    日光浴

    某女郎某日独自上到饭店顶上,进行日光浴。
    因为没有其它人,她便全身赤裸。
    忽然她听到有人上来,便改成俯卧,并拉了条浴巾盖在背上。
    来人是饭店经理,他请她换个地方进行日光浴。她很不耐烦地问为什么。"因为你正
    躺在餐厅的天窗上"

    谁先死

    : 一位母亲生了一对双胞胎,两人一起吃他们妈的奶,可是不够吃,于是两个小坏种
    都想把对方毒死,他俩分别在他妈的米米上图上毒药,你们猜谁死了。自然是孩儿他
    爸死啦。。。 好惨哪。。。。。!

    药剂师

    话说有对论及婚嫁的情侣,有天女的对男的说,我们也快结婚了,明天我带你去见我爸,
    顺便先把身体给你,但你要先做好防护措施, 男的听了很高兴的答应了,第二天就跑去
    药局要买套套,到了药局,药剂师很亲切地问男要买什麽,男的很不好意思的问答要买套
    套,并且把和女友的情况告诉药剂师,问他那个牌子比较好用,药剂师听了就对男的说,
    好小子,真有你的,於是就开始对男的介绍产品,讲著讲著越讲越起劲,从套套到技巧药
    剂师无一不告诉男的,最後男的买完了套套,要离开药房时,药剂师还对男的说,要好好
    加油啊,
    第二天男的依约准时到了约定的餐厅,而这时女的和她父亲也到了, 坐下後,男的说,用
    餐前让我们先祷告吧, 女的欣然的答应了,於是大家都把头低下,一分钟过去了,男的还
    在祷告.....二分钟过去了,男的还是低著头,
    三分钟过去了,男的头还是没抬起来,.......... 最後十分钟过去了,男的还是没抬头,
    於是女的就纳闷了,对男的说,我从来都不知道你这麽虔诚, 於是男的也说
    了........... 我也从来都不知道你爸是药剂师..........

    抢劫

     中年男子在暗巷抢劫一名老处女,一阵搜索後,中年男子摇头:
    「你身上没有珍贵东西
    「有,」老处女涨红脸急促道:
    「我是个处女」

    委婉

    史密斯太太於今日的车祸中受伤。 她因胸部割伤目前於县立医院疗养当中。"编辑训
    诫新上任的记者 说。
    "这是份家庭报纸。我们不使用胸 部这种字。现在拿回去用委婉一点 的字表示!"
    年轻的记者绞尽脑汁想了良久。终 於他呈出了以下这篇报导。""史密
    斯太太於今日的车祸中受伤。她因 (.)(.)割伤目前於县立医院疗养当 中。"

    Making puppy

    A man and his son were walking through a field, and saw two dogs mating.
    The little boy asked his Dad what was happening. The Father replid,
    "Well,son, they're making a puppy."
    The following evening, the little boy was thirsty, so he went from his
    bedto get a glass of water. Not being able to reach the
    glasses, he walked unannounced into his parents bedroom, who were
    makinglove in their usual missionary position.
    Confused, the boy asked what were they doing.
    The Dad responded very slowly and caringly to his impressionanle littleboy,
    "Well, son, we are making you a little brother."
    The little boy replied ,"Please turn Mom over, Dad, I'd rather have a
    huppy!"

  8. Favicon of http://www.nbabigstore.com/ BlogIcon Dirk Nowitzki 2013.03.05 11:28

    PHILADELPHIA ?Elian Herrera is becoming quite the clutch hitter in a short time.Herrera hit a two-run double off winless Cliff Lee in the eighth inning and the Los Angeles Dodgers beat the Philadelphia Phillies 2-1 on Tuesday night.Lee (0-3) took a two-hitter into the eighth and was a strike away from getting out of trouble before Herrera hit a 2-2 pitch off the left-field wall to put the Dodgers ahead.Chad Billingsley (3-4) allowed one run and six hits in seven innings. Josh Lindblom worked the eighth and Kenley Jansen finished for his eighth save in 11 tries.Herrera waited nine Dame Nike Free Run 3 years to reach the majors. He not going back to the minors anytime soon.Herrera hit a tiebreaking RBI single off Jonathan Papelbon in a 4-3 win Monday night. He batting .304 in 20 games and has started at third base, second base and center field. love it. I love it,?Herrera said. knew I could hit the ball.ee gave up two runs and six hits in 7 2-3 innings, striking out a season-high 12.Lee record is no indication of the way he pitched. The 2008 AL Cy Young Award winner has a 2.92 ERA, but has been the victim of poor run support. The Phillies have scored just 16 total runs in his nine starts. Lee couldn even get a win when he threw 10 scoreless innings at San Francisco on April 18.othing I can do about it,?Lee said. ll I can do is try to give the team a chance. I did that tonight and we came up short.ajor league-leading Los Angeles has won three of four after losing five in a row.The Dodgers had more than baseball on their minds. Earlier in the day, Hall of Fame manager Tom Lasorda was hospitalized in stable condition, a day after having a ild?heart attack while representing Los Angeles at the Major League Baseball draft.The 84-year-old Lasorda was resting comfortably and there was a chance he could return to California on Wednesday. Lasorda guided the Dodgers to 1,599 victories and won the World Series in 1981 and 1988, the team last two titles. don know much, but it sounds like he OK,?Dodgers manager Don Mattingly said.The five-time defending NL East champion Phillies have lost four straight to fall a game under .500.Hunter Pence drove in Philadelphia only run with an RBI single in the first inning, http://www.csnspurs.com/ Tim Duncan swingman Jersey. He also made an outstanding defensive play in the eighth. Pence made an excellent, no-hop throw to third base to nail Tony Gwynn Jr. trying to advance from first on pinch-hitter Bobby Abreu single.Lee helped himself earlier in the inning with a defensive gem of his own after Matt Treanor led off with a double. Gwynn followed with a bunt, but Lee quickly got off the mound, fielded the ball and threw Treanor out at third.However, with two outs and two on, Herrera ripped Lee 122nd pitch of the night over left fielder Juan Pierre head to drive in both runners.e had a good at-bat, fouled off a lot of pitches,?Lee said. he last pitch was horrible, a hanging Wholesale Cheap Jerseys curve ball and he hit it.errera worked the count like a veteran hitter, not someone who just came up to the big leagues. was looking for something I could hit,?he said. he first three at-bats, he was changing speeds. I thought whatever he throws close, Il try to put it in play.immy Rollins lined a double down the right-field line leading off the first. He scored on Pence one-out single to left. Right fielder Andre Ethier prevented further trouble for the Dodgers by making a twisting, leaping catch in front of the right-field fence on Ty Wigginton high drive.Billingsley shut the Phillies down the rest of the way.liff was out there painting pitches,?he said. knew I had to throw zeroes to keep up with him.? Notes: Injured Dodgers CF Matt Kemp will captain the NL team in the Home Run derby during the All-Star game festivities. ... Philadelphia right-handed relievers, excluding Papelbon, entered the game with a 6.06 ERA. ... Lee has 20 career double-digit strikeout games. ... A crowd of 43,989 was the 249th straight sellout at Citizens Bank Park, including postseason. ... Dodgers INF Jerry Hairston Jr. is batting .417 (15 for 36) in his last 11 games. ... Kyle Kendrick (2-4, 4.02) pitches for the Phillies against Chris Capuano (7-2, 2.50) on Wednesday. Kendrick is 4-3 with an 8.01 ERA in seven games vs. Los Angeles. Capuano is 0-2 with a 2.87 ERA in six games vs. Philadelphia.Copyright 2012 The Associated Press. All rights reserved. This material may not be published, broadcast, rewritten or redistributed.

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    说明 在传统的相声、山东快书等曲艺形式中,有一种引人发笑的手法称为“包袱”。这种包
    袱被一层层抖开,最后常赢得满堂彩声,令听众开怀大笑。
    在这个集子中,我们所选的一些作品形式上很像这种“包袱”。具体表现在,前面的情
    节主要起铺垫作用,造成一种气氛,而整个故事的笑料则主要集中在最后一句上。从内容上
    讲, http://www.csnthunder.com/ Thunder home Jersey,这部分作品有的是讥嘲丑恶现象,有的充满了幽默情趣,有的暗含着一定的哲理,不一
    而足,但在形成笑料的手法上,却是很一致的。于是我们把它们归为一类,称之为“巧言”
    类。

    纱帽与皇冠 一个当官的,被妻子踏破了乌纱帽,很生气,便上殿启奏说:“臣启奏陛下,臣之妻蛮
    不讲理,昨天与臣相争,竟然踏破了臣的纱帽!”
    皇帝传旨说:“卿须忍耐。皇后近来心情不好,与朕一言不合,把皇冠也打得粉碎。你
    的纱帽算得了什么玩艺儿!”
    ——清·游戏主人《笑林广记》

    同僚 有个人,妻妾分居。有一天,妾要去看妻,便问丈夫怎样写名帖。丈夫说:“该用‘寅
    弟’二字。”妾问这两个字是什么意思,丈夫说:“同僚之间交往,写帖时都用此称呼,这
    不过是官府中通行之例罢了。”妾说:“我们并无官职,怎么也写这样的帖?”丈夫说:
    “官职虽然没有,但同僚总还是一样的。”
    ——清·游戏主人《笑林广记》

    官职隐语 县衙里的官吏们聚会,互相询问各自的官职。一个人说:“我的职务是‘随常茶饭端过
    来’,取的意思是‘现成(县丞)’。”另一个人说:“我的职务是‘滚汤锅里下文书’,
    乃是煮(主)簿。”又有一个人说:“我是‘乡下蛮子租粪窖’。”大家都不解其意,那人
    便解释道:“尿屎(史)。”
    ——清·游戏主人《笑林广记》

    酸臭人 小虎对老虎说:“我今天出山,捉了一个人来吃,滋味很怪。上半截是酸的,下半截是
    臭的,到底也不知道是个什么人。”老虎说:“这肯定是名秀才出资买了个监生。”
    ——清·游戏主人《笑林广记》

    春生帖 一个财主,识不了几个字,根本不懂文墨。他对友人说:“某人真是文理不通,本来是
    清早来拜访我,帖子上却写着‘晚生’。”旁边一个监生听了这话说:“这倒还差得不远,
    好像近几天本是秋季拜客,竟还有写‘春(眷)生’的帖子呢!”
    ——清·游戏主人《笑林广记》

    掏银子 一个富翁把银子含在口中,误吞了下去,肚子很疼,请医生来治。医生说:“这不难
    治,先买纸牌一副,烧成灰咽下去,再用艾丸点着,炙脐部,银子自然就会出来。”富翁问
    是何缘故,医生说:
    “外面用火烧,里面有强盗打劫,哪怕你的银子不出来!”
    ——清·游戏主人《笑林广记》

    猪羊如象 旧时每年阴历二月、八月第一个丁日学宫里要祭祀孔子,称为丁祭。祭祀完后,所用的
    牲畜、食物可由教官等人分享。有一次,一个教官从朝中出来,看到一头象,便左右徘徊,
    舍不得离去。有人问他为何不走,他答道:
    “我想丁祭的猪羊,有这样肥大就好了。”
    ——清·游戏主人《笑林广记》

    报复 学宫教官的儿子和县丞的儿子打架,教官的儿子经常败阵,逃回家对母亲哭诉。母亲
    说:“他家整天吃肉,所以强健会打,咱们家天天吃豆腐,力气小,怎能敌得过他!”教官
    听了说道:“既然如此,我儿不要着急,等丁祭过了,再去报复他!”
    ——清·游戏主人《笑林广记》

    野味 甲、乙两个读书人要去应考。甲说:“我梦见一木冲天,这个兆头如何?”乙说:“一
    木冲天,那是个‘未’字,恐怕不是什么好兆头。”接着说起自己的梦:“我梦见一雉贴天
    而飞,这肯定是文明之象,稳中无疑了。”甲摇头说:“雉,不过是野味(也未)而已。”
    ——清·游戏主人《笑林广记》

    “南无” 秀才问和尚说:“你们佛经中的‘南无’二字,只读本音不就行了,为何要读‘那
    摩’?”和尚反问道:“你们读的《四书》上的‘於戏’二字,为什么要读作‘呜呼’?如
    今你要读‘於戏’,小僧就读‘南无’,你要是呜呼,小僧自然要那摩。”
    ——清·游戏主人《笑林广记》

    穷秀才 有个人刚死,来见阎王。阎王说他生前享受太过分,判他来生去做个秀才,并让他有五
    个儿子。鬼吏报告说:“这个人罪孳深重,不该有这样的好报。”阎王笑道:
    “正因为罪重,所以我要让他做个穷秀才,再给他许多儿子,活活累死他!”
    ——清·游戏主人《笑林广记》

    七等 旧时学宫考试,成绩分为六等,四等已是差的,要挨板子。六等最差,要除名逐出学
    宫。一个读书人考了六等,自感惭愧,又怕妻子责怪,于是便撒谎骗妻子:“从前的宗师考
    试,只有六等,这次碰上这个瘟官,好不厉害,又增加出一等,你说这可恶不可恶?”妻子
    问:“七等怎么处罚?”读书人说:“考六等的不过除名就完了,可考七等的竟要阉割!”
    妻子听了大惊,忙问:“那你考了几等?”读书人答道:“还亏我争气,考在六等,幸免被
    阉。”
    ——清·游戏主人《笑林广记》

    未做完 一个秀才参加考试,考了四等,要挨板子。他对朋友说:“其实我没答完卷,只写了半
    篇文章。”朋友说:“还好,若全做完,老师看了定要打死你!”
    ——清·游戏主人《笑林广记》

    狗教书 一个人惯会说谎话。有一次他对亲家说自己家里有三件宝:有头牛,能日行千里;有只
    鸡,每个更次啼一声;又有只狗,善能读书认字。亲家听了很吃惊,说:“有这样的新鲜
    事,过些日子我一定到府上看看。”
    说谎人回到家,对妻子讲了经过,并说自己一时说了谎,亲家又要来看,不知如何应
    付。妻子说:“不要紧,我自有办法。”
    第二天,亲家果然来了。说谎人赶紧躲出去,他妻子对亲家谎称丈夫早上到北京去了。
    亲家问几时回来,女主人说:“七八天就回来。”亲家又问怎么能那么快,女主人道:“骑
    了我们家的牛去的。”亲家说:“您家还有报更的鸡,怎么大中午的也叫?”女主人说:
    “这就是,它不仅夜里报更,白天听到生客来也报。”亲家听了说:“听说还有能读书的
    狗,可否让我看看?”女主人答道:
    “不瞒亲家说,只因为家里穷,让它出外教书去了。”
    ——清·游戏主人《笑林广记》

    师赞徒 有个人被请到一家教孩子读书。为了不至于被解雇,他常在主人面前称赞学生聪明,读
    书读得好。主人不信,便让儿子当着自己的面对对子。
    老师先出个一字句:“蟹。”学生对出:“桑”老师大加赞赏。主人觉得并不好,老师
    便解释说:“我出的题有隐意,蟹是横行的东西,令郎对‘莎,暗含有独立的意思,岂不绝
    妙?”
    主人又让老师出个两字句,让儿子对。老师便说:“割稻。”学生对道:“行房。”主
    人听了大怒,老师又赞赏不已。主人责怪老师,老师解释说:
    “这个对子也有隐意。我出‘割稻’,意思是积粮防饥;他对‘行房’,意思是养儿防
    老!”
    ——清·游戏主人《笑林广记》

    秤上买卖 有兄弟二人,合伙请一个教书先生,两人商定,按日期轮换供伙食。每当交接的日子,
    两人必定互相推托,新接的总怪先生消瘦,责怪另一个伙食供给得太差。于是,兄弟二人约
    好,每到交接日,便秤斤两,作为交班肥瘦的凭证。
    一天,弟弟要把先生交给哥哥,临交之前,让先生吃了一顿。谁知上秤时,先生放了一
    个屁。弟弟立刻责怪先生说:
    “秤上的买卖,怎能轻易放出来?不用费话,再给我吃了下去!”
    ——清·游戏主人《笑林广记》

    庸师 有个教书先生学问很差,老是把句子读破,又好念错字。有一天,他教学生念《〈大
    学〉序》,头一句本来是:“《大学》之书,古之大学所以教人之法也。”他却读成:“大
    学之,书古之;大学所以教人之。”主人发觉之后,大怒,把他赶了出来。
    后来,此人又被一个官员请去当师爷。这个官是因为父亲做官,自己才得了个职位,并
    不识字,看不懂律令,所以每当遇到事,总来问师爷。有一次,有人捉了个偷钟的贼,送到
    官府,官来问师爷怎么处理。师爷想起《论语》上的一句话:“夫子之道,忠恕而已矣。”
    但他读成:“夫子之盗钟,恕而已矣。”官于是把偷钟贼放了。
    又有一次,官府抓到一个偷席子的贼,官又来问。师爷把《论语》上的“朝闻道,夕死
    可矣”读成:“朝闻盗席,死可矣。”于是官立即下令将偷席子的用杖打死。
    这时,正赶上阎王外出私访,察到了这个师爷的事,便命鬼判把他捉来,骂道:“你这
    不通文墨的畜牲,骗人的学费钱,误人子弟,其罪不小,判你来世去变猪狗!”师爷又想起
    《中庸》里孔子问的:“南方之强与?北方之强与?”于是再三哀求说:“做猪狗,小的不
    敢违抗,不过还求大王开恩。若做猪,还望判生到南方;做狗则求做母狗。”阎王问为什
    么,师爷说道:
    “南方猪(之)强与北方猪(之)。”
    阎王又问为何要做母狗,师爷又答:
    “《礼记·曲礼》上说:临财母狗(毋苟)得,临难母狗(毋苟)免。”
    ——清·游戏主人《笑林广记》

    “拆壁贼” 一个庸师惯读别字。有一天晚上,他给学生讲前、后《赤壁赋》,竟把“赋”读成
    “贼”。正在这时,有个小偷潜在窗外,只听老师在屋里大声朗读:“这是前面《拆(赤)
    壁贼(赋)》呀。”
    小偷听见“拆壁贼”三个字,不由得大惊,心想,前面已经被他发觉,只好从后房穿墙
    而入了。过了一会儿,夜已很深,老师便到后房就寝。上床后,又与学生讲到《后赤壁
    赋》,又如《前赤壁赋》那样读法。小偷在外面叹道:
    “我前后两次都被此人识破,人家请了这样的先生,连看家狗都不用养了!”
    ——清·游戏主人《笑林广记》

    同归于尽 主人请先生教儿子读书,总责怪先生不善教。先生说:“你想让我与令郎同归于尽
    吗?”主人不解其意。先生说:“我的教法已经用尽了。只除非要我钻进令郎肚子里,这样
    我就闷死,令郎就胀死!”
    ——清·游戏主人《笑林广记》

    “小柏”与“阿爹” 一个学馆中有两个学生,一个聪明,一个呆笨。老师出题考他们对对子,正好院子中有
    梅树,老师便指着树出题:“老梅。”聪明学生看到盆里种柏树,便对道:“小柏。”老师
    说:“好!”又让另一个学生再对得好些。剩下那个学生不会对,他把“小柏”误听成“小
    伯”,便对道:“阿爹。”老师见他对得不像话,大怒,用戒尺打他。他哭道:“他小伯不
    打,倒来打阿爹!”
    ——清·游戏主人《笑林广记》

    抬棺材 一个医生医死了人,病家十分恼怒,召来众仆人毒打医生。医生跪地求饶,主人说:
    “私打可免,但官法难饶。”便命令送到官府治罪。医生害怕官府惩罚,又哀求说:“我愿
    雇人抬棺材,埋葬死者。”主人答应了。
    医生家穷,没有钱雇人。家里有两个儿子,再加他夫妻俩,一共四人,前来抬棺材。抬
    到中途,医生叹道:“为人切莫学行医。”妻子埋怨丈夫说:“为你行医害老妻。”小儿子
    接口说道:“头重脚轻抬不起。”大儿子说:“爹爹,以后医人拣瘦的。”
    ——清·游戏主人《笑林广记》

    用药妙法 一个人卖跳蚤药,在招牌上写道:“卖上好跳蚤药”。人们问他这药怎样用,他答道:
    “捉住跳蚤,用药涂在它嘴上,立即就死!”
    ——清·游戏主人《笑林广记》

    脉没了 一个官员患病,请了个医生来诊视。医生见了官,很紧张,按脉时错按到了手背上。官
    见状大怒,喝令手下人拉下去打。医生慌忙说道:“大人打倒可以打,只是您的脉息已经没
    了!”
    ——清·游戏主人《笑林广记》

    请客 一个穷读书人患腹泻,请了个医生调治。他对医生说:“我家穷,拿不起药钱,只好等
    治好时,请您到家来喝顿酒。”医生答应了。读书人吃了几服药,病就好了。但怕医生催他
    请客,便谎称病还没好。
    一天,医生探知读书人大便,就去检验,见他拉的都是干屎,即时大怒,说道:
    “拉了这样的好屎,为何不请我?”
    ——清·游戏主人《笑林广记》

    妙手回春 一个医生医死了人家的婴儿,婴儿家长很生气,对医生说:“你要好好殡殓我儿,倒还
    罢了,否则,我要告官!”医生答应带回去好好处置,于是把尸体放在药箱里。回家的路
    上,又被另一家请去看病,开箱用药时,不小心被人看见了尸体。病家惊问原因,医生说:
    “这是别人医死了,让我带回去包活的!”
    ——清·游戏主人《笑林广记》

    退热 有个小儿患病发热,请医生开了药,小儿吃完药就死了。小儿的父亲去找医生算帐,医
    生不信,亲自到病家验看。他摸着尸体,对小儿父亲说:“你太欺心,原本要我给他退热,
    如今他身上已经冰凉了,倒反来责备我!”
    ——清·游戏主人《笑林广记》

    先淘好 有医生给人看坏了病,被病家罚牵磨磨麦子十担。磨完后,被放了回来。第二天,又有
    人敲门说:“请先生看玻”医生答道:
    “我知道了。你先回去淘洗干净了晾好,我就来磨!”
    ——清·游戏主人《笑林广记》

    子女改行 医生、妓女、小偷三人死后,同时来见阎王。阎王问他们生前各干什么营生,医生说:
    “小人行医,别人有了病,我能医治,起死回生。”阎王大怒说:“我每次差鬼卒勾取罪
    人,你总与我抗衡捣乱,要打发你下油锅受罪!”
    第二个问到妓女,妓女说:“我接那些没有妻室的客人。”阎王说:‘你方便独身的
    人,可以延长寿命十二年。”再问小偷,小偷说:“我做贼。别人晾晒的衣服、散放的银
    钱,我去收拾些。”阎王说:‘这是帮人代劳,增加寿命十年,发转回阳世!”
    医生听了这话,急急哀求道:“大王如果这样判决,只求放我也还阳。我家里还有一儿
    一女,儿就让他做贼,女就让她接客算了!”
    ——清·游戏主人《笑林广记》

    医生打架 一个专治成人病的医生揪住一个专治小儿病的医生痛打。别人看了劝道:“你们两个同
    行,何苦这样?”治成人病的医生说:“各位有所不知:这家伙可恶得很。我医的大人都变
    成孩子给他医,谁知他医的孩子一个也不让长大给我医!”
    ——清·游戏主人《笑林广记》

    头太嫩 一个理发匠给人剃头,剃了几下就割破了好多处,便停住刀对顾客说:“您这头还嫩,
    下不得刀,过些日子等它老一点再剃吧!”
    ——清·游戏主人《笑林广记》

    醋更贵 有家酒店的招牌上写着:“酒每斤八厘,醋每斤一分。”两个人一同到店里来打酒,而
    酒很酸。其中一人咂舌皱眉地说:“酒怎么会这样酸,莫非是把醋错当酒拿来了吧?”另一
    人急忙在旁捅捅他的腿说:“呆子,快别做声!你看那牌上写着醋比酒还贵呢!”
    ——清·游戏主人《笑林广记》

    道士纸笔 有个无赖痛恨一位富翁,总想能使富翁败家,却想不出办法。无赖听说有位茅山道士法
    力很高,便去求道士帮忙。道士说:“我请天兵来杀了这富翁。”无赖说:“他的子孙仍然
    富有,我不甘心。”道士又说:“那么,我发天火烧了他的家?”无赖说:“那他的地还
    有,我还是不甘心。”道士说:“你对他有那么大的仇吗?我有一个法宝,赐给你拿去,每
    天早晚好好供奉,他的家很快就会败落了。”无赖很高兴,接过来一看,封得很严实。把封
    皮一层层打开,原来是纸做的一枝笔。无赖问这笔有什么神通,道士回答说:
    “你不知道我们作法的厉害。在这纸笔上,不知害了多少人家!”
    ——清·游戏主人《笑林广记》

    抛锚 道士、和尚和一个大胡子三人乘船过江。忽然,天气突变,狂风大作,船身颠得厉害。
    道士、和尚都很惊慌,急忙把经卷扔进江里,求神保佑。大胡子无经卷可抛,只好将胡须拔
    下一些,扔进江里。道士、和尚问道:“你拔胡须有什么用?”大胡子说:
    “我在这里抛毛(锚)。”
    ——清·游戏主人《笑林广记》

    中等 有个长着稀胡子的人要相面,相士说:“您的相貌虽不太富,但也不至于穷。”稀胡子
    人问道:“从哪里能看出来?”相士说:
    “看您的胡须,比上不足,比下有余。”
    ——清·游戏主人《笑林广记》

    红胡子 有个人胡须是黄色的,常常在妻子面前自夸:“黄须无弱汉,一辈子不受人欺负。”有
    一天,他外出时被人揍了一顿。回到家后,妻子引他以前说过的话笑他。那人说道:“哪想
    到打我的那个人的胡子竟是彤红的!”
    ——清·游戏主人《笑林广记》

    风吹帽 一个近视眼迷了路。路旁有快大石,上面停着一个乌鸦,近视眼以为是个人,便上前问
    路。问了几声,听不到回答。过了一会儿,乌鸦飞走了。近视眼说道:
    “我问你你不答应,你的帽子被风吹跑了,我也不告诉你!”
    ——清·游戏主人《笑林广记》

    下雨的征兆 有个近视眼赴宴。他对面坐着个大胡子,正吃红柿子。近视眼看了,便起身对主人说:
    “我路远,要先告辞。”主人说:“天色还早,何必着急?”近视眼说:“恐怕天要下雨,
    那边日头落到乌云里了。”
    ——清·游戏主人《笑林广记》

    原来是红枣 一个近视眼到别人家里拜访,主人留他坐着喝茶。茶果吃完后,看到茶杯内鼻子照的
    影,以为是个橄榄,捞了几下捞不到,不由得怒火上升,便用手指胡乱撮起,使劲一咬,把
    指咬破,流出了血,放到眼前仔细辨认后说:
    “啐!我还以为是个橄榄呢,原来却是个红枣!”
    ——清·游戏主人《笑林广记》

    臭虾酱 一个乡下人挑粪从街上走过,有个近视眼喊道:“卖虾酱的,过来!”乡下人不知道喊
    的是他,仍然挑着担子急急地走。近视眼追上去,用手在粪桶里一捞,凑到鼻子上闻了闻,
    说道:
    “这虾酱已经臭了,什么奇货,还摆大价子不肯卖!”
    ——清·游戏主人《笑林广记》

    烂黑线 一个近视眼正在走路。地上蚂蚁摆阵,疏密成行。近视眼看到了,怀疑是件什么东西,
    便俯下身去拾。撮了半天拾不起来,叹息说:“
    “可惜一条好线,竟烂得一段一段的了!”
    ——清·游戏主人《笑林广记》

    狗打呵欠 一个耳聋的人去看朋友,狗见来了人,吠声不绝,聋子一点儿也听不见。进屋后作了
    揖,对朋友说:“您家的狗昨天夜里大概没睡觉。”朋友问:“你怎么知道?”聋子答道:
    “它见了我,一个劲地打呵欠。”
    ——清·游戏主人《笑林广记》

    蜈蚣斧 甲、乙二人都是嗡鼻。甲要请乙喝酒,因不识字,无法写请柬,便在纸上画秤、尺、笤
    帚各一件。乙见了便会意说:“秤尺帚(请吃酒)。”乙的回柬上画了蜈蚣一条,斧一把。
    甲见了点头说:“哦,他蜈蚣斧(无工夫)。”
    ——清·游戏主人《笑林广记》

    不公平 有个官员娶了个妾,但妻子对他管得很严。官觉得不自由,发怒说:“我要上殿奏一本
    去!”于是便拿回一本历书,对妻子说:“这是皇帝的圣旨!”妻子听了很惊恐。
    一天,官出门去了,妻子私自把“圣旨”打开观看,只见上面有“正月大”、“二月
    斜,官妻惊喜地说:“原来皇帝也有大校”看到“三月大”、“四月斜,觉得倒还分得均
    匀;再往下“五月大”、“六月大”、“七月大”,八月以后接连几个月小,便大怒说:
    “竟有这样不公道的皇帝!凉爽天气,都被他占去受用,却把热天全派给我!”
    ——清·游戏主人《笑林广记》

    做霹雳 一家的女婿有呆笨的名声。岳父指着门前的杨树苗问他:“这东西有什么用?”女婿回
    答说:“这树长大以后,做车轮也是行的。”岳父高兴地说:“别人都说我女婿呆,其实都
    是说着玩的。”等到了厨房,女婿看见研酱用的盆,又说:“这个盆要是大起来,做石臼也
    能行。”
    正在这时,岳母放了个屁,女婿应声说:“这屁要是大起来,做霹雳也能行。”
    ——清·游戏主人《笑林广记》

    不许小便 有户人家,有两个女婿,小女婿痴呆,一个字也不识。妻子对他说:“姐夫会读书,我
    爹爹敬他;你一个字不识,我的脸上也无光。过几天我兄弟结婚,亲戚都要聚会,你如果能
    识几个字,也好在人前露一露脸。我家仓房前写着‘此处不许小便’六个字,你要牢牢记祝
    别人若问起来,就可对答,别人见你识字,便不敢小看你了。”呆子听了,牢记在心。
    到了亲戚聚会那天,众人路过仓房墙边,呆婿指着墙上的字说:“此处不许小便。”岳
    父听了大喜说:“贤婿识字,很好很好!”到了门口,岳母出来相见。岳母的裙上有条绣金
    飞带,绣着“长命富贵,金玉满堂”几个字,垂在裙子中间。呆子一见,就指着那字对众人
    说:“此处不许小便。”
    ——清·游戏主人《笑林广记》

    也不该 女婿见了丈人,行礼作揖时,将屁股向前一耸。丈人见了大怒,女婿说:“我还以为是
    岳母呢!”第二天,丈人又找到女婿说道:“畜牲!我昨晚整整想了一夜,就是丈母娘你也
    不该!”
    ——清·游戏主人《笑林广记》

    错事 一个人急急地往家走,朋友问他为何这样慌忙。他说:“我十八年前干错了一件事,今
    天发觉了。”朋友问:“你家到底有什么急事?”那人说:“小女出嫁。”
    ——清·游戏主人《笑林广记》

    “打你的儿子” 爷爷交给孙子二文钱,让他去买酱油和醋。孙子去了一会儿又回来问:“哪个钱买酱
    油?哪个钱买醋?”爷爷说:“一个钱买酱油,一个钱买醋,随便买,这个还用得着问?”
    孙子走后不一会儿,又回来问道:“哪个碗盛酱油?哪个碗盛醋?”
    爷爷对孙子的痴呆很恼火,便揍了他两巴掌。
    正在这时,孩子的父亲进门来,问出了什么事。爷爷就把打孙子的原因讲了一遍。孩子
    的父亲听了,便摘掉帽子,揪住自己的头发乱打。爷爷见了问道:“你疯了吗?”孩子的父
    亲说:
    “我没疯。你能打我的儿子,我难道就不能打你的儿子?”
    ——清·游戏主人《笑林广记》

    好运气 有个人在枕头旁边拾了一个别头发的簪子,很高兴,把这件事告诉朋友。朋友说:“这
    簪子不是你的,就是嫂夫人的,你高兴什么?”那人答道:
    “正因为它既不是我的,也不是我妻子的,所以我才说碰上了好运气!”
    ——清·游戏主人《笑林广记》

    躲避 一对男女私通,女方的丈夫忽然回家来,奸夫急惊躲避。奸妇让他在床上静卧不动。丈
    夫进屋后,问道:“床上是什么人?”妻子答道:“快别做声!隔壁王大爷,被王大娘打出
    来,躲避在此。”丈夫笑道:
    “这老没用的,老婆就值得这样怕吗!”
    ——清·游戏主人《笑林广记》

    不说谎 夫妻吵架,丈夫一时发狠,骂道:“臭婆娘,明天我做了皇帝,就杀了你!”妻子听
    了,日夜担忧,哭泣不止。邻家女人来劝解道:“哪能说杀就杀,不要听他一时瞎说。”妻
    子道:“我家这个臭乌龟倒是从不说谎的。自己亲生的儿女,前年说要卖,去年当真就卖
    了。”
    ——清·游戏主人《笑林广记》

    反而不合算 有个人,日常消费全部用纹银。有个朋友劝他把纹银化开倾成八九成的银子用,定有便
    宜。这人便拿了一锭元宝,让人熔成八成。熔银子的知道此人呆傻,便只倾了四十两交给
    他,其余的全自己留下了。这人拿了银子问道:“一锭元宝五十两,为何反倾成四十两?”
    熔银子的答道:“你要熔成八成,五八岂不是四十?”这人想了半天,说道:
    “我那个朋友说得不对,这样熔了后,反不如用纹银合算!”
    ——清·游戏主人《笑林广记》

    全带来 有个新娘子,拜堂时却生了个孩子。婆婆觉得在宾客面前丢丑,很惭愧,急忙把孩子抱
    进去藏起来。新娘说道:
    “若早知道婆婆这样爱惜孩子,就叫人把家里老大、老二都领来了。”
    ——清·游戏主人《笑林广记》

    两不得罪 新婚之夜,丈夫劝妻子脱衣。妻子说:“母亲教我不要脱,母命不可违;丈夫教我脱,
    夫命也不可违,这怎么办?”正在犹豫之间,丈夫催她,她说道:
    “有了!我只脱下身,来个两不得罪吧。”
    ——清·游戏主人《笑林广记》

    小心 有人乘船,遇上两船相错,他的手正抓着窗槛,被夹伤了一个指头。他回到家后,告诉
    妻子。妻子吃惊地嘱咐道:
    “以后再遇到两船相错,千万记着不可小便!”
    ——清·游戏主人《笑林广记》

    换韭菜 妻子让丈夫买丝瓜,丈夫便在门口等着。一会儿,来了个卖韭菜的,劝他买,他说:
    “我要买丝瓜。”卖韭菜的说:“丝瓜痿阳,韭菜壮阳,为何壮阳的不买,却要买痿阳
    的?”妻子在家听到了,高声对丈夫喊道:
    “丝瓜等不来,就买了韭菜吧。”
    ——清·游戏主人《笑林广记》

    种韭菜 有客人赴宴,偶然间与主人谈起丝瓜痿阳,韭菜壮阳。谈着话,主人呼唤要酒,却老是
    不见送来,便问孩子:“你娘到哪儿去了?”孩子说:“到后园去了。”又问去干什么,孩
    子答道:
    “去拔丝瓜种韭菜。”
    ——清·游戏主人《笑林广记》

    先杀了我 妻妾二人争宠,丈夫心里喜欢妾,但不愿明说,故意呵斥她说:“不如杀了她,省得惹
    气!”妾听了逃回房去,丈夫拿了刀也追进去。妻以为真去杀,过了一会儿,不见丈夫回
    来,便前去探看,只见二人正在取乐。妻见状大怒说:
    “若是这样的杀法,倒不如先杀了我吧!”
    ——清·游戏主人《笑林广记》

    调换 有人娶了个妾,对妾宠爱至极。他与妻行乐时,妻子说:“你身在这里,心却在那
    里!”丈夫说:“如果这样,那我身在那里,心在这里,你看如何?”
    ——清·游戏主人《笑林广记》

    赌真咒 一个人到妾房里去,妻子不许。他便谎称上厕所,去去就回,并赌咒说:“我若到别处
    去,就变成狗。”妻子用绳拴住他的脚,放他出屋去了。这人在屋外解开绳子系到狗腿上,
    然后去了妾房。妻子等了好久,不见丈夫回来,便收拉绳子,拉到床边,伸手一摸,摸到了
    狗背,大惊道:
    “这个该死的,我还以为他骗我呢,原来这回却赌了个真咒!”
    ——清·游戏主人《笑林广记》

    它不戒你 有个乞丐戒吃狗肉。同伴们都劝他说:“不必这样。”他说:“我不吃狗肉已很久
    了。”同伴们说:“你就是戒它,它也不戒你。”
    ——清·游戏主人《笑林广记》

    贼和尚 一个乡官到寺中游赏,问一个和尚:“你吃荤吗?”和尚说:“不怎么吃,只在喝酒的
    时候略略吃。”乡官问:“这么说你还喝酒?”和尚答道:“也不怎么喝,只是岳父、妻舅
    来时,陪他们喝点儿。”乡官听了大怒,说:“你吃荤吃酒,又有妻室,这全不像出家人的
    戒行。明天我要对县官说,没收你的出家凭证!”和尚又说:
    “不劳您费心,三年前我做贼事发时,早就没收了。”
    ——清·游戏主人《笑林广记》

    佛驮爷 孝子请和尚为亡父超度,和尚念普庵咒,念到“南无佛佗耶”一句时,孝子误听成“佛
    驮爷”,高兴地说:“正愁我爷(当地人呼父为爷)没法过奈何桥,多谢佛驮过去了!”说
    着掏出钱来酬劳。和尚说道:
    “你若肯多给些布施,连你娘也让我驮了去吧。”
    ——清·游戏主人《笑林广记》

    没骨头 秀才、道士、和尚三人同乘一条船渡河。船家解缆稍慢,众人便怒骂道:“狗骨头,为
    何这样慢吞吞的!”船家忍着气解了缆绳,把船撑到河中,停住篙问道:“你们刚才骂我是
    狗骨头,那你秀才是什么骨头?若讲得有理,饶了你性命;不然,我就把你推下水去!”
    秀才答道:“我们读书人,攀龙附凤,自然是龙骨头。”
    船家又问道士,道士说:“我们出家人,仙风道骨,自然是神骨头。”
    最后轮到和尚,和尚没话可说,慌忙哀告道:
    “万望饶恕,我这秃子,从来就是没骨头的。”
    ——清·游戏主人《笑林广记》

    名实不符 一个尼姑、一个妓女死后同见阎王。阎王问妓女说:“你生前靠什么生活?”妓女说:
    “接客。”阎王判道:“接客方便独身男人,发还到阳世,早日超生。”然后又问尼姑:
    “你是什么人?”尼姑回答说:“我是出家人,吃素念佛。”阎王判道:“吃素念经,佛口
    蛇心。一百竹片,打断脊筋!”尼姑听了判决,慌忙哀求道:“不瞒大王说,小妇人名义上
    虽是尼姑,其实背地里也接客,是个暗娼!”
    ——清·游戏主人《笑林广记》

    馋酒 乡下亲家刚酿了些好酒,城里亲家听说了,很想尝尝,便到乡下亲家那里走亲戚,希望
    对方能留自己吃饭喝酒。正赶上乡下亲家外出不在家,亲家母让儿子出面接待,收拾了一间
    空屋留他住宿,好酒也没喝上。
    夜里,城里亲家因没喝到酒,心里烦闷,不能入睡。他住的屋子与亲家母的卧室只隔一
    道墙。正好亲家母夜里起来在马桶里撒尿,怕弄出响声亲家公见笑,便尽量撒得很轻,滴沥
    而下。隔壁的城里亲家听到了,暗暗高兴,说:“原来刚在里面滤酒呢,估计明天早晨就能
    尝到了!”亲家母在那边屋里听到了,禁不住笑起来,尿也憋不住,哗哗响了起来。城里亲
    家一听,又拍手叹息道:
    “真是命不济,刚滤了一点儿,滤酒袋子又撑破了,实在可惜!”
    ——清·游戏主人《笑林广记》

    只要一个菜 有个私塾先生新到一家教书,主人设宴招待。因为是初次来到,所以招待得隆重些,宰
    了一只鹅做菜。酒喝到一半,先生对主人说:
    “我以后在府上打扰的日子长着呢,以后的伙食,务必从俭,省得我过意不去。”于是
    用手指着盘中的鹅,接着说:
    “每天只要这一个菜就行了,别的不必一一准备。”
    ——清·游戏主人《笑林广记》

    四脏能活 有个人贪酒过度。他妻子和儿女便在一起商量说:“劝了多次也不听,只好用计来打动
    他。”有一天,这人喝得大醉后呕吐了。他儿子暗地里弄了个猪内脏放到他吐出的东西里。
    等那人醒过来后,儿子指着吐的东西对他说:“凡人都有五脏,现在你吐出了一脏,只剩下
    四脏了,以后怎么活?”那人仔细看了半天,说道:
    “连唐三藏都能活,更何况我有四脏!”
    ——清·游戏主人《笑林广记》

    不管别人嘴 有一家举行宴会,众宾客贪馋不已,只顾大吃大嚼,饭菜一扫而光。有个小馆童见状,
    心中愤怒,却只不敢说,便用锅底灰涂在嘴上,站在一旁。众人见了都很惊讶,问他嘴上抹
    了什么东西,他答道:
    “相公们只顾自己吃就行了,还管别人的嘴干什么?”
    ——清·游戏主人《笑林广记》

    吃馄饨 一个妇人患了病,丈夫问她:“想吃什么不?”妻子说道:“除非有好肉馄饨,想吃一
    两个。”丈夫便做了一盂子,打算与妻子一起吃。他去取筷子回来,发现妻子已用手捞着吃
    完了,只剩下一个。丈夫说:“为什么不把这一个也吃了?”妻子皱着眉说:
    “我若能连这一个都吃下,那还能算有病吗?”
    ——清·游戏主人《笑林广记》

    抢肉 一个人赴宴,与一个瞎子坐在一张桌前。上菜时,端来东坡肉一碗,瞎子举起筷子一下
    夹过去大吃。同桌上的人见他这样贪婪都很讨厌他。吃完后,瞎子又来捞取,但碗口已经空
    了。瞎子问:“肉共有几块?”那人愤愤然答道:“九块。”
    瞎子说道:“这么说你倒吃了八块么?”
    ——清·游戏主人《笑林广记》

    家当全在身上 一个穷人正在别人家喝酒,喝得正痛快时,有人来报告说他家里失了火。这穷人便把衣
    帽一整,仍然稳坐,说道:“不妨!我的家当全在身上了。”有人问:“那你妻子怎么办?”
    穷人答道:“她还怕没有人照管吗?”
    ——清·游戏主人《笑林广记》

    清汤饭 一个人家里穷,每天要节省用米,只好吃粥。他怕人笑话,便叮嘱儿子在外人面前不要
    说吃粥,只说吃饭。有一次,他在门外与朋友说话,到了吃饭时间,家里久等不见他进来,
    儿子便出门来叫:“爹爹进来吃饭。”这人说:“今天做饭蛮快,这么早就煮好了?”儿子
    道:“早倒不早,今天又熬了些清汤。”
    ——清·游戏主人《笑林广记》

    酒坛太多 有个穷人,积了三四酒坛子米,自己觉得已经很富了。有一天,他与同伴在街上走,听
    见一个过路人说道:“今年收成不好,只打了三千来石米。”这穷人便对同伴说:
    “这个人真能吹牛,我就不信他一家能有这么多酒坛子!”
    ——清·游戏主人《笑林广记》

    没脸见贼 一个小偷到一家去偷东西,看见主人脸朝外睡在床上,见小偷进屋后,却翻过身去把脸
    朝里。小偷以为主人认识他,忙想逃走。主人大呼说:
    “来吧,不妨。因为我家太穷,没东西打发你,所以无脸见你。”
    ——清·游戏主人《笑林广记》

    梦见还债 欠债的人对讨债的人说:“我活不了多久了,昨夜梦见自己死了。”讨债人说:“阴阳
    相反,梦见死正说明能活。”欠债人说:“我还做了个梦。”讨债人问:“什么梦?”欠债
    人答道:
    “梦见还了你的债。”
    ——清·游戏主人《笑林广记》

    说出来 一个人被讨债者逼迫得紧,一时性急,说道:“你真的要逼我说出来么?”讨债人以为
    他发现了自己的什么隐私,便不再逼他,默然离去。这样一连好几次,最后讨债者也不耐烦
    了,把心一横,说道:“要说就由你说出来,我豁出去了,不怕你!”欠债人又逼了一句:
    “真的要我说出来?”讨债人说:
    “真要你说!”欠债人便说道:
    “不还了。”
    ——清·游戏主人《笑林广记》

    躲债 阎王下令,让鬼卒去拘一个叫蔡齐的人,鬼卒误听成“债精”,便到阳世拘了一个欠债
    很多的人到地府来交差。阎王一询问,发现拘错了,便命鬼卒将他放回阳世。这人说道:
    “其实我很不愿意回去。我在阳世间无处藏身,正想借此地躲一躲呢。”
    ——清·游戏主人《笑林广记》

    风流不成 有个嫖客,把钱花完了,鸨母摆酒为他饯行。忽然下起了雨,嫖客叹道:“雨落天留
    客,天留人不留。”鸨母听了,念他在这里花了不少钱,便勉强留他又住了一晚。第二天下
    了雪,又留了一晚。到了第三天,刮起了风。嫖客还想再留住,便又叹息。鸨母说:
    “官人如今没了钱,风留(流)不成了!”
    ——清·游戏主人《笑林广记》

    只为吃饭 有个客人到别人家,主人留他吃午饭。客人吃完一碗,不见主人添饭,客人想让主人知
    道,便胡编说:“某某家有一幢房子要卖。”一边说,一边故意将碗口朝向主人,接着说:
    “那房子椽子有这么粗。”
    主人见客人的碗是空的,急忙喊家童来给客人添上饭,然后问:“他的房子要价多
    少?”客人答道:
    “现在有了饭吃,不卖了。”
    ——清·游戏主人《笑林广记》

    认同宗 有个人姓王,平时最好与别人认同宗。每当碰到姓氏相似的人,也要强拉硬凑,不说
    “寒宗”,就称“敝族”。
    有一次,他碰上一个姓汪的,便指着那人对朋友说:“这是舍侄。”友人问道:“人家
    姓汪,怎么会与你一族?”王某说:
    “他是水窠里的王家。”
    又有一次,王某碰到一个姓匡的,认作自己的侄孙。别人说:“‘匡’和‘王’,差得
    更远了。”王某却说:“他是坍墙内的王家。”
    王某还曾指着一个姓全的,说:“这是舍弟。”别人说:“‘全’与‘王’更不相干
    了。”王某说:“他是从小在大人家做小厮的王家。”又曾指认一个姓毛的为同族,朋友笑
    他荒唐,他神秘兮兮地说:“你不知道,他与我们王家本是同族,只因长了一条尾巴,所以
    弄得毛头毛脑的了。”
    有人问:“‘王’与‘黄’同音,为何姓黄的与你反而不是一家?”王某答道:“怎么
    不是?那是廿一都田头八家的。”
    ——清·游戏主人《笑林广记》

    皇帝不作揖 有个人从京城回来,逢人便自夸曾见过皇帝。别人问:“皇帝的家什么样?”他回答
    说:“门前有四柱牌坊,写着‘皇帝世家’的金字。大门里有匾,题‘天子第’三个金字。
    两边对联是:日月光天德,山河壮帝居。”
    别人又问:“皇帝穿戴如何?”他答道:“头戴的乌纱帽很大,身穿的海青官袍是金子
    做的。”问的人说:“你明明在说谎,穿了金子打的海青袍,怎样下拜作揖?”自夸的人答
    道:“呸!你真是个冒失鬼!你想他做了皇帝,还肯给谁作揖?”
    ——清·游戏主人《笑林广记》

    学官话 有兄弟二人出外经商,学了几句官话。他们回家时,走到半路,哥哥到河对岸去大便,
    让弟弟先回家见父亲。父亲问道:“你哥哥呢?”弟弟回答说:“杀死(撒屎)。”父亲听
    了大吃一惊,忙问:“在哪里杀死的?”弟弟答道:“河南。”父亲正在悲恸之间,哥哥回
    到了家,父亲见了,便骂小儿子怎能这样胡说。小儿子说:“我不过说的是官话罢了。”父
    亲怒道:
    “这样的官话,只能吓唬你亲爹!”
    ——清·游戏主人《笑林广记》

    “姜”字塔 一个富翁问别人“姜”字怎样写,别人告诉他先写一个草字头,再写“一”,再写
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  10. Power of Pinpointing Accountability plus articles and information on Management

    I have always said that if I were to write a book on effective management principles, the first chapter in that book would be about the importance of pinpointing responsibility among an owner's or a general manager's reporting units. After all, one of the most popular definitions of management is getting work done through others.

    #1 Management Pitfall: An unwillingness to delegate.

    Many times the owner or general manager is the most knowledgeable and the most capable person in the company; he or she can perform many tasks better than anyone else. The problem arises when managers decide that they are the only people in an organization who can really perform a task "right."

    While this may be true, when managers feel a strong need to be in total control by personally taking charge of the company's most critical tasks, they have made a very personally limiting decision. Why? Because any single person has just so many hours in a day. So managers who are poor at delegating are limited by their own personal mental and physical stamina.

    A manager friend of mine recently told me a great story that I believe illustrates this point extremely well. This particular owner had founded his business almost 40 years ago and had designed the company's first product catalog about 25 years ago. The catalog was highly successful, so he continued to hold on tightly to this task himself. No one else in the organization was as capable at selecting products for the catalog or laying out the product selection.

    As the business grew, however, the owner became busier and busier with involvement in other critical management functions: Banking relations, negotiating insurance programs, strategic planning, estate planning, acquiring new locations, etc. So the most current catalog was neglected and pretty soon began to look outdated.

    A key employee who had worked with the owner in implementing previous catalogues came to him and offered to assume responsibility for the project. However, the owner continued to sincerely believe that only he could do this job and do it "right." But nothing happened.

    Realizing that she was taking a risk, the subordinate took it upon herself to take a stab at laying out the catalog. Conscientiously working at home, she burned the midnight oil so the project didn't interfere with her normal duties at work. Finally the project was finished and she presented the rough layout to her boss.

    "Wow," he exclaimed. "What a great job!"

    The owner finally realized that while the catalog she had designed was not laid out as artfully as perhaps he could have done it himself, the project had gotten done.

    What duties and tasks are you holding onto because you perform them better than anyone else? Are you assigning responsibilities to your people and holding them accountable for measurable results?

    So ask yourself: Is the success of your business limited by your own personal physical and mental stamina? There's just so much that any one person -- no matter how talented -- can do and do well.

    #2 Management Mistake: Failure to hold your people accountable for measurable results.

    Have you ever told a manager that the next time you walk into the area of the business he or she is responsible for that you want that area to be neat and organized? Most owners and managers certainly have. Well, how about this question: Have you ever returned to inspect the manager's progress and been disappointed in what you observed?

    The reason many times is because the owner's or manager's idea of C-L-E-A-N is substantially different from that of the subornate.

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    Management mistake #3: Failure to establish minimum conditions of employment.

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    How many new customers and how much sales volume must a salesperson attract to the business in a given period of time?

    What inventory turnover must the buyer achieve at a minimum?

    What collection days must the credit manager achieve at a minimum?

    How much net margin must the general manager achieve at a minimum?

    (Bill Lee is author of Gross Margin: 26 Factors Affecting Your Bottom Line. To order, see shopping cart at www.mygrossmargin.com. Or call 800-808-0534. US$29.95 plus $5 S&H)

    Bill Lee is a sought after business consultant and seminar leader. He is author of Gross Margin: 26 Factors Affecting Your Bottom Line and 30 Ways Managers Shoot Themselves in the Foot.

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    Learning the Piano and Playing the Piano plus articles and information on Music

    Many piano students spend much time learning how to play the piano. Years upon years of study time devoted to perfecting technique, tone, dynamics http://www.shopthesf49ersgear.com/womens-colin-kaepernick-super-bowl-jersey/ Hall of Fame 50th Colin Kaepernick Jersey, etc. All the while, many of these same students have never really played the piano. That is, they have spent their time practicing in preparation for the moment when they can "perform" for others.

    Wouldn't it be refreshing if instead of learning how to play other peoples music, we could feel confident enough to create our own? Why is it so daunting a task for most of us? I think it's because we've been taught that only a very few gifted individuals are capable of producing music from scratch - whatever the genre. Rock, jazz, classical etc. Unfortunately, this belief is enough to stop most dead in their tracks and for those, whose spark of interest was lit in childhood, it soon turns cold and lifeless.

    Now, playing the piano is entirely different than learning the piano. Here we are at home http://www.shopthesf49ersgear.com/ Kaepernick Super Bowl Jersey. Why? Because we are playing. So different an approach it is too! Children are allowed free-play and are even encouraged to do so. But as we grow up, we decide we must "make something worthy of performance." What a tragic error in thinking! Yet one that pervades the music world.

    The solution is to understand that we all have our own special music inside of us and each and every one of us has something wonderful to share with the world. This something comes through when we stop learning how to play the piano and begin to play it truly for the first time.

    Edward Weiss is a pianist/composer and webmaster of Quiescence Music's online piano lessons. He has been helping students learn how to play piano in the New Age style for over 14 years and works with students in private, in groups, and now over the internet. Stop by now at http://www.quiescencemusic.com/piano_lessons.html for a FREE piano lesson!

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    On previous articles we have discussed how bobbleheads, especially the personalized type have become quite popular lately, and we also elaborated on the topic of resemblance, and the factors that affect it.

    In this article we take a step back and try to give a short recount of how bobbleheads came into pop culture, starting with the appearance of vintage bobbleheads in the 1960s. We will skip the bobbleheads created in ancient China and Japan simply because there is not enough recorded material to tell the story with enough detail. It should however be mentioned that personalized bobbleheads have existed for hundreds of years.

    So let's dive straight into the subject.

    The 1960s created the first bobblehead boom into pop culture. This was a time when the United States was seeing a different type of athlete appear in the Baseball Scene. Stars like Mickey Mantle made their appearance and the sport was bigger than ever.

    It is not only baseball that used these bobbleheads to promote the sport. American football and ice hockey were close followers as well, and when made, the editions usually covered all the teams in the professional leagues.

    The teams that were covered in the first production run of the baseball league bobbleheads produced in 1961 and 1962 were: the Anaheim Angels, Baltimore Orioles, Boston Red Sox, Chicago Cubs, Chicago White Sox, Cincinnati Reds, Cleveland Indians, Detroit Tigers, Houston Colt 45's, Houston Astros, Los Angeles Angels, Los Angeles Dodgers, Kansas City Athletics, Milwaukee Braves, Minnesota Twins, Mineapolis Twins, New York Mets, New York Yankees, Philadelphia Phillies, Pitsburg Pirates, St Louis Cardinals, San Francisco Giants and finally the Washington Senators.

    Not all these bobbleheads were produced alike. For example, certain teams had mascot bobbleheads, namely the Orioles, the Cubs, the Reds, the Indians, the Tigers, the Braves, the Pirates and the Cardinals.

    Of the long list of teams produced, the rarest bobbleheads today are considered to be those of the Anaheim Angels, which have a paper label over the Los Angeles Decal, the Minneapolis Twins and the boy of the Baltimore Orioles.

    Other curious details include the cowboy hats worn by the bobbleheads of the Colt 45's and the Astros, the white or green base choice of the Cleveland Indians and the Detroit Tigers, and the dark or light uniform choice for the New York Mets figurines.

    To make matters even more complex, there were two separate series produced at the same time. One of them is known as the mini series of baseball bobbleheads (by the way, the term bobbing head is more popular in these vintage models) and the other one is know as the white base series.

    Finally each team comes in two different variations, either holding a ball or a baseball bat.

    These two series included the first two professional baseball players to be represented as bobbleheads, Mickey Mantle and Roger Maris, although all figurines really looked the same and those of Mantle and Maris did not really resemble the players.

    Apart from a head that bobbles, these vintage bobbleheads hold little similarity to the ones we see made today. For one thing the material they were made of in the very beginning was actually paper mache.

    The design was also significantly different. The body was made with very little detail and in no athletic pose. It was rather more like a single block with some nuances around the limbs and although all the body models would look identical before painting, great care was taken to accurately represent each team's uniform. This partly explains why there are such avid collectors chasing after them today, and attempting to hold all bobblehead models.

    The production technique meant that each bobblehead was probably made, but certainly painted by hand. The colors themselves often contain a pearlescent finish and are often glossy. This includes the finish of the face, which combined with the boyish appearance produced a cherub-like result on most of them.

    The lack of emphasis on the body carving, and little effort in accurately representing any individual star indicates that the attention back then was to promote the team, and given that these bobbleheads had a magnet under the base, they were sure to be proudly displayed on many car dashboards back in those days. And yes, dashboards were made of metal back then, in case you were wondering!

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    Now it may seem that basing a shoe on the foot's natural movement makes perfect sense, but it was Puma that used medical research to make this a reality.Puma was the first company to use vulcanization to join the shoe soles to the uppers. If you love your Velcro straps, you can thank Puma for that as well. The world's fastest runner, Usain Bolt, is the model for Puma's newest running shoe technology.

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    Today, Puma has global recognition. They work with both Formula One and NASCAR and have partnerships with BMW and Ferrari. In addition to fast cars, Puma running shoes sponsor the world's fastest man: Usain Bolt. Puma has stepped into the world of professional racing, both on feet and in cars, and their future has never looked brighter. Shop many styles and colors of Puma running shoes, at everyday low prices.

  20. 2013.05.30 07:57

    비밀댓글입니다

  21. Favicon of http://www.nikefreedanmark2013.com BlogIcon Nike Free 2013 2013.07.13 00:49

    >>新闻


    施耐德电气,七匹狼集团打造高效的数据中心,服装行业的“样板工程”


    BIZ
    这是一个双赢的公告为之间SE和七匹狼合作的新闻稿。
    中国厦门,1月7日 - 近日,全球领先的关键电源与制冷服务提供商施耐德电气的APC(以下简称APC)宣布,福建七匹狼实业有限公司(以下简称“七匹狼”)集团数据中心示范项目仪式。的成功应用APC的数据中心的InfraStruxure™英飞集成系统提供不间断电源的数据中心(UPS),空调和制冷匹配柜, http://www.billigenikefreetilbudusa.com Billige Nike Free,配电柜及其他产品和服务,并提供从数据中心设计的封面,部署,安装到维护的全生命周期服务。该项目是APC英飞集成系统解决方案,在纺织服装行业中的典型应用,同时也为其他工业用户构建下一代数据中心提供了一个模板。
    纺织服装业是全国领先的传统制造业在中国和在同行业中率先实现了以市场为导向,市场竞争更加充分。但是,近年来,纺织服装企业也面临着如何提高市场应变能力,业务创新,实现更好的整合与全球经济等一系列相互关联的问题,大力推进信息化建设,采矿业务数据值或企业在同行业中脱颖而出的重要工具。现在,增加数量的纺织和服装企业开始以改变思维模式,不只是只在生产和销售链的业务增长重点,但随着业务的增长,IT支持也会把公司的未来发展的优先事项考虑,成为一个强大的IT支持,以帮助实现提高业务效率,增强企业的供应链,后台人员和管理人员的关键物资。施耐德电气高级副总裁,大中国区总裁黄陈宏APC,说:“中国的领导者,其数据中心的规划,建设,运行和维护的民营纺织服装企业七匹狼是非常典型的在同行业中也处于先进水平,我们与七匹狼开始,该项目计划打数据中心模型具有示范效应的项目,而这也体现在与施耐德电气的能源效率和总拥有成本,和其他领域的数据中心,随着越来越多的行业客户提供整体解决方案,以帮助他们提高自身的竞争力在行业中的能力和信心。 “
    新七匹狼集团的数据中心位于厦门观音山商务中心,占地约500平方米。随着数据中心部署将直接影响整个七匹狼集团信息网络运营商,所以数据中心的UPS匹配,数据中心机房UPS系统可选,可选的空调和制冷系统,远程视频监控技术,内置可选的机架和数据安全系统中心和其他方面的苛刻要求。施耐德电气,英国基于其业界领先的解决方案,飞七匹狼量身打造的智能,节能和前瞻性的数据中心物理基础设施,并在服务和支持定期检查。

    新的数据中心厦门七匹狼集团的发展战略的一项重要举措。根据七匹狼集团首席信息官陈志勇介绍,七匹狼始终重视信息技术,但原始数据中心的人员来维护成本高的非计划停机时间发生,其可靠性已成为制约发展的因素之一的企业。这一次,七匹狼选择其长期的合作伙伴,施耐德电气数据中心关键物理基础设施的合作,不仅是因为十多年的良好合作关系,也因为双方以提高能源效率,促进环保概念和其他高度契合。新的数据中心的建成,不仅实现更低的维护成本,提高运营效率,也将是七匹狼未来3-5年的业务驱动力,而本集团大型物流园区项目规划,灾难恢复中心以提供参考项目。同时,鉴于英国飞支持动态负载密度的解决方案,新的数据中心,以满足云计算的需求,七匹狼和信息服务,提供云计算服务,在确保自己的需要,同时也为其他公司提供云计算和托管服务。

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